Sunday, November 27, 2011

People

I see people. people are everywhere in my life. Even when my room mate is gone from our cozy little dorm room on the first floor, I can look out our window that is almost to large for the room and see people. I can walk into our lounge and almost always find people. At school I deal with people. At work this past weekend, I dealt with hundreds of people during this crazy shopping season. Sometimes people get to me. I know psychology tells me that social interactions are good for me, and I know they are too, but not everything is always helpful. Things like social media can be so damaging to someone. I mean that not really physical interaction, but its something isn't it? Sometimes I don't want to be around certain people and I have too, and other times I want certain people to be around but they can't. My latest example is that I have realized its been over 6 weeks since I've last seen my girlfriend. That's the longest we've ever gone and it will be at least 2 more weeks before our paths will cross. I miss her like crazy. Or like my friend Liz, and her gypsy independent ways. She's a gnome coming and going as she pleases. I haven't seen her or spoken to her in months, but I know we will soon. I miss her a lot as well. There's people, well a person, that I never want to see again, as in my life would be a but better if I never had to deal with this person ever again. He's still a person and he still deserves a good life, but I'd prefer it if that life would cease to include me and my family. We are all just people who need to interact with each other, whether willingly or unwillingly. People are what motivate me, inspire me. psychology. It all comes back to psychology. what inspired me today to write about this, was sitting in the lounge on this Sunday evening. Slowly watching the people return from thanksgiving break. And yes I was thankful for many people this past week, including the person I wish I never saw again. He contributed to the experiences in my life which help make me the person I am today. yes very cliche. what more can I say about people? everything. But I think this is all for now. Peace.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I just need to keep breathing and I will make it through. Always. I mean, literally you have to keep breathing to keep yourself alive, but figuratively as well. The stress and pressure just builds and builds and when finally a little bit is released you feel so relieved. And oh how I need to continually remind myself that it will be ok. And how other remind me of that in unexpected ways. Like when my professor hands back that paper I wrote at the very last minute that was 1 page short on length and I should of spent way more time on and still managed to get a B. Or even when my friend gets into the program she applies for and I am so happy for her. Through the stress of frustrating people who don't answer your emails and send you the wrong documents, those other things remind me that things do work out. Space. Air. Breathing. Lots of deep breathing. And then time goes by in a flash. This semester is almost over and a completely new adventure will be beginning next spring.

Mentioning spring, the over enthusiasm and excitement that abounds me is intense. Sometimes I look forward to change a little bit too much. My unconsciously high expectations consistently lead to disappointment. Again breathing. Calming myself down. Making sure that I know that I might not get that internship I want. In fact is highly likely that I won't even with encouragement from people who think I would be a great candidate for it. stay positive. But not too positive. Literally and figuratively, balance is something I lack sometimes. Ok more like all the time. not to much good or bad, pos or neg, high or low. My moods, my health, my fam, my life? It can be an unbalanced mess but somehow its all work out eventually, one way or another. Well maybe not my moods. I think I've come to realize that I can't control my moods but rather work with them. And that goes for most things in my life. Letting go of the control. Breathing. The balance comes more naturally if you work with things instead of against them, but that is entirely easier said than done, since our human brains naturally want to work against many things. but not breathing. You have to work to fight against breathing. Don't do that. just breathe. Peace.