Ok, I am really questioning whether to be more vague and general about this, as to not make anyone mad, or to be a bit more specific.
I seem to deal with the issue of ethics on an almost weekly basis. Think about it, I'm a psych major, I have psych problems so I've been in the system, I am a GLBTQ leader at my school, I am a trained ally at my school, I'm the president of our Active Minds chapter. If you get yourself involved in this world of helping others or being a leader, you become a go to person, and there lies problems.
So what do I do when someone comes to me? Having gone to an alternative high school, you would think I'd be so used to other people having problems or concerns, but back then, if a friend would call in need, I would comfort them as a friend, but my advice mostly consisted of "well when we go to school tomorrow you can talk to your therapist". Well those therapists and that everyday environment are not there anymore. I am really not as good at giving advice and helping deal with stuff as I thought I was.
I also don't know where to draw the line. From every training and book or anything I've ever received, I know what I should do. Obviously if the situation is life threatening, I would do exactly what others did for me, and seek outside help.
However, what about when it's not that bad, those middle of the road concerns, and I've judged the situation as acceptable whether or not I like it. I've realized in these instances, I treat my close friends different than I would treat an acquaintance confiding in me. Is it helping them to say "I know them, nothing will go wrong" and not push the issue like I would with someone I'm not close with?
I think I have to come to realize that I am a friend first, no matter who it is. Unless the situation has been made clear to me in which I am supposed to be playing another role (more like a peer counselor or something) it's not my job to judge the situation from that point of view.
I just have a fear of regretting not taking action at a time when I could of, even though it wouldn't be my fault. Got to remember, no regrets. I'd love to hear what anyone else thinks? Peace.
I know a little bit of the trickiness of the situation you're in; I used to be one of those people who would get phone calls at like 3am from someone who was having a rough time, simply because I was open and a listener and a leader, and though I never claim to have it together I tend to have peace with what I'm given.
ReplyDeleteI have no advice to give, haha. I think no matter who, whether an acquaintance or a close friend, when that person confides in you with a problem he or she has, we need to listen, and not just listen but also *hear* that person. Personally I know that when someone goes beyond just listening and actually tries to empathize, it goes a long way, even more so than whatever advice could be given.
I agree with you, that unless we are given the role of mediator or counselor or something we need to be careful not to try to play that role. There are professionals here at this school who have those titles and can better handle the trickier situations, even though some of them may be interns or whatever.
At the same time, life is messy. People are messy. And there's beauty in that. Deep, lasting relationships of all sorts can come from entering into someone's mess, as can many other sorts of good effects. It's the question of whether or not we are available and up for entering that person's mess that we have to answer. And we can't answer everyone's call.
Just my ramblings. ^__^
You are the sweetest and in not giving advice, you gave good advice. :) So thank you I just needed someone to sort my head for me in a way. I have known the difference between listening and hearing, but I don't think I applied it to this situation, and maybe I need to. I think I've been not connecting with people's problems, which may be the best help I can give. Thanks again. :)
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