Working so much is definitely taking a toll on my body. Teaching swimming is hard work! However I know all the exercise is so good for me. And I really love my job, I get to teach kids all day! I have some really funny and cute stories from work, which maybe I'll post a few soon.
And its a good thing I have a TON of energy to keep up with both my jobs! but there is always a flip side to a lot of energy. Summer Mania. Its not making me happy right now. I mean it is literally making my mood better. My meds definitely tone it down, but the older I get the more I notice the little things. Certain times of day I start talking really fast. And I feel like I want to keep going going going, or do absolutely nothing, with no in between. The only thing I'm dreading is the crash.
Ever since I experienced a really bad depression (when I never really had before) I am constantly scared of going back to that place. I know logically I won't end up like that again if I keep on track but I'm used to illogical thoughts :P That's something I don't know if my family understands fully. There is a lot of stress in my family and an anxiety attack could easily send me down. And its the unknown really. So yea I've got a bit of mania right now, and maybe my crash just brings me back to neutral. but when? 1 month from now? 1 year? my life is just full of so many unknowns.
All I know is what I can do. I take my meds. I've been managing my anxiety 100 times better than I used to. I've been exercising. a lot. I've been doing really well overall. I am afraid of something that shouldn't happen, but still could for any number of reasons. This is the "mind" part if you didn't pick up on that. :P
As for the soul part, there are some things in my life that I love doing, besides my jobs/work. However lately, as in the last few weeks I feel like I have no time for them. I feel like ETD got slightly abandoned (sorry if you are reading this, I miss our emails!). I mean the last email I sent to my supervisor (at ETD) was like 1 sentence and took like 3 days to send. Its terrible. I have somethings I am going to do for them this summer, and they WILL get done, just don't now when yet. I've also been waiting for an ambassador council to roll around again. But like I'm so busy I can't even go to there next show. But I will in the fall, I just keep looking forward. ETD must always be a part of my life, I must make this happen. :DDD
So I think that about covers the body, mind, soul, parts. I'm all over the place. But on the brightest side, I am still finding time to enjoy my summer. Here's a pic of me from Chicago PRIDE. Instagram Style. It was so much fun. Peace.
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