2013

OMG IT 2013!!! AND THE WORLD DIDN"T END!!!

Okay, okay, now that I got that out of my system I'll be serious now. It's a new year, and unfortunately a scary one for me. I found out that I passed my Senior Seminar last semester for Psychology, and if any of you saw me in the library at any point last semester, you knew that I was freaking out that I wouldn't pass no matter how hard I worked at it. For the record, passing means a C- or better so that it would count for my major. Well I got a C and as so happy. Who new you could be so happy about a C? It was a really hard class, but I learned a ton, and the Prof is still one of my favorites. So what does this mean for this new scary year? It means I'm going to fucking graduate college of course! omg scary face, imagine me freaking out as we speak.

So yeah, every time I think about it, I just got to take a deep breath and remember that I can do it, and that I have a plan. Well I sort of have a plan, lets just say it has some unknowns in it. I plan to graduate, hopefully get a job that I will enjoy, and eventually get an apartment. The main unknown that freaks me out is where I am going to live. The job is less scary only because I have experience for a lot of different types of regular jobs, so I can probably get A Job, but it might not be something I like. Living is the big Q. Since my ever so necessary college education wiped out all of my savings (I do work a lot, but whatever came from working went to bills or the next semesters tuition), I am left with almost no start up money. So the job might, no will, have to come first, and the apartment after. I can't just get an apartment after graduation like some of my fellow classmates and have my parents to pay for it the first 6 months while I get a real job, my parents don't have the money for that. But where would I go in the meantime? I am left with about 2 options, first I could move to the papa's (Grandpa's), of which I haven't even discussed with him and probably should do that. He lives semi close to public transit but still not my greatest option, however I could probably live there rent free.

Option numero 2, moving back to my moms. First off depending on where said job is, very inconvenient most likely hour and a half commute to city on metra and paying metra train prices! ha! would suck up a ton of money. Also the main reason this option is not so viable is due to the fact that it's not good for mine or my moms sanity. We both know this. We get along fine when we live apart, but living together is almost a nightmare. However if this is my option then we would both suck it up and make it work.

There is also option 2.5, which is unlikely but maybe. my brother is transferring to a four year school in the fall from community college. 2 of his 3 option are in the city U of I Chicago, and University of Chicago (His third is Lake Forest, where I go now). If he gets in to and decides to go to one of the colleges in Chicago, but they only give him enough financial aid to cover his tuition but not all of his room and board (which is what I expect the to give) I'm going to present him with an alternative. Don't waste your money (as I did) paying the high cost of campus living and food costs, and why not split an apartment with your dear older sister? (If you think this has any chance of working, or tips on persuasion let me know). Since I'd be the one with the real job and he'd be in school probs with a part time job, I would probs split rent with him like 75/25. I actually like this option the best, However I just don't think its going to happen.

So I guess that's a plan, sort of? I am focusing solely on getting a job first. And then if by some miracle I land a job say by mid April that will start after graduation, then I will go apartment hunting, mainly by means of online roommate listings. This is the other alternative floating in my brain, since I don't have great credit, I do have some references, but I also don't have any cosigners (only 1 person would cosign something for me and he also has bad credit), I'll move into an apartment that's already established. Plenty of people are looking for roommates for their apartments and it's seems like a simple option since splitting rent is almost always cheaper than a single apartment.

This is just some of what on my brain, weighing me down with worry and anxiety in this new year. But I know that I will get through it. Life always find ways to surprise me and I just need to go with it. It will all work out. unlike for the past 3 and a half years, I'm not at all worried about my classes, as none of them are what I consider to be super difficult or anything, and I am also not worried about paying for school anymore (just everything else in life).

And as much as I am starting off this new year with all this worry and fear, I am also starting it with confidence, and loads of excitement. Excited for a fun last semester with plenty of new adventures with new friends and old. I have confidence (but not over confidence) in myself and my experiences (and that whole diploma thing) to push me through to a job after graduation. I'm really excited to start to start living a new chapter of my life, especially one where I don't have to think about school! Just writing about it here makes me all the more happy and excited for this new year and new part of my life.

But on a final note as I start this January first, it makes me a little sad to to think about all this, leaving expectation behind. School is routine, its a constant, you know what you are doing come every August. Now its all unknown. I am leaving so many things behind along with the things like knowledge that I am taking with me. One of the things about my school is that you have such a wide variety of people around you from all over the world, and you learn so much from them in four years, however they often end up all over the world. Friends that I've made that have graduated in past years have scattered everywhere from Colorado to the Peace Corps in South America. I hope that I stay friends with the people I've come to love at school, But I'll admit I am really bad at staying in touch with people. But I'll  try. I think that will be my new years resolution, not to promise, but simply to try and keep up contacts with my friends this year, and maybe even reconnect with an old one or two. :)

Peace

Sam