Molthers are Mothers no matter what

My mother. I thought it might be a but soon to talk about my mother on here so I might not go into our entire relationship history but since this is a blog of what goes on in my life, this post will be about my mother. She is one of the most amazing women I've ever known. She's done more for me in my life and sacrificed so much that its hard to even comprehend. But making me feel guilty about it? That's where I feel it crosses the line. 3 weeks. That was all I needed for a place to stay as I moved from my summer housing but not yet into my housing for the school year. My dad's is pretty far away, esp from my part time job, and his house isn't much better. My mom agreed to let me stay with her, no big deal. but from day 1 we just can't seem to get along. We fight about the little things, the big things every single day. She knows how to hurt me bad and I don't think she realizes how much it hurts that our relationship is so strained. She constantly brings up my mistakes of the past and wont let them go. Her along with my brothers who generally don't take a liking to me, make for a very negative environment that is not healthy for me. Today was the second time in 24 hours that we got in a big fight and I just simply left without any pace in particular to go. So for now I am staying at a friends place just to get some space. But what really put me over the edge with her today, was that she had the nerve to call my father and tell him to talk to me. Like I was a kid again. I am 20 years old, and adult who is completely self sufficient and pays for everything herself. There is not one thing my mom pays for anymore and has not supported since I entered college, so am I right in thinking that she should not have a say? understandably I am staying with her in her house, and must follow her rules, which I have been diligently, much to my dismay. The funny thing is that we are so alike its not even funny, and she does not see it. All of the problems are always my fault even though its more 50 50 to my understanding. sometimes I feel like I'm the parent in this relationship and shes the kid. She can just make me feel horrible about myself sometimes but she is still my mother and I still love her. There is a lot I could say about our stupid fight today, but there is no need to go on about it. I'm going to stay positive, and try to get through the next two weeks, even if that means couch hopping, or in tonight's case, a fouton. August 13th I am counting down the days. Peace.

Being an adult sucks...In a good way

So today as I was sitting on my computer a bit bored and thinking about how I was going to make today great, my mother gives me the perfect opportunity to get out and do something. She has to run some errands and asks me to tag along for the ride. Why not? Not like I had anything else to do. now all is going well when she decides that we should make an unplanned stop at the mall. She wanted to look for some new shorts and we ended up at charlotte russe which is a store that I generally enjoy. And to clear one thing up, it is not unusual for my mom to shop there, she dresses pretty young and we shop at a lot of the same places. Anyways I at first thought we were just shopping for her, but I was casually glancing for myself and wasn't really intending on getting anything, although they had major sales going on. I just went shopping for myself last weekend, which I had not done in a very very long time and didn't feel i needed to spend any more money. But as usual my mother starts picking out things for me and saying "oh that would look great on you" or "isnt this pretty" while handing me a colorful top or floral skirt. I figured whats the harm in trying some things on, they are all on sale, the stuff is cute, and my mom obviously wants me too. But before I had made the desicion in my head to actually shop for a few things, I had made the assumption that my mom wanted to buy me these things, and that's why she was encouraging me. that was wrong assumption number 1. In this situation I was not her daughter necessarily, just another adult friend to be shopping with. If she had been shopping with her best friend, they would each pay for there own things. This is also on top of the fact that money is very tight for her, and one of the reasons I am what some may call an independent adult is because she just cant afford to support me. So looking back on it I understand why when I walked out of the fitting room, she was already purchasing her items at the register and not waiting for me to give her what I picked out. Oh the dangers of trying on clothes. I had fallen in love with a bohemian top and a cute printed skirt. As I walk up to her at the register I show her which ones I picked but say I don't know if I want to spend the money, mind you it was only 20 dollars for the 2 items. She replies by stating that I've worked hard this summer and that I deserve to splurge a little. That was all it took. So although that 20 dollars may have been better spent on gas and was not necessarily in my budget it will all work itself out. Today was another small step in the road of life, but it didn't catch me on my laces. And another thing I realized is what a qguilty influence my mother is on me! peace.