OUTSpoken: a call for LGBTQ voices

Hello Lovelies! Not that this reaches much of an audience, but I'm still going to talk about what I want to talk about, and that is OUTSpoken, an event about mental health and the LGBTQ community. But before I get to my awkward promo, I want to take a moment to tell you why this is especially so important to me.

1. I'm queer, we aaaaaalllll know that. (<3 all, but esp women)
2. I deal with mental health issues and have been surrounded by others who deal with mental health issues almost my entire life. I have OCD (heavy on the anxiety) and a probable case of Bipolar disorder (if you don't know, I was diagnosed when I was 10) where after 12 years I still have days where I don't believe it, and other days where I'm like "oh yeah, definitely bipolar" (or some variation).

These two things are only a part of my life, they don't define my entire self. However whats important to know is that I saw these as two completely separate until well into my sophomore year of college. Whether I like it or not, in small ways one effects the other and vise versa, and it makes my situation even more unique. for instance:

My psychiatrist is a 75 year old, very old school kind of guy. Not someone I especially like opening up to. He is nice and all, I got stuck with him after my last hospitalization a few years back, and he listens to what I say if I need a dosage change in my meds, which is a major PLUS. Would it be helpful if he knew about my my personal life more? Maybe! I don't know because I've never had the chance to figure that one out. (obviously I know it would be more important for say a therapist to know, of which currently I am not seeing anyone because my insurance SUCKS. with a capitol S. and I'm brooooooookkkkeee).

And that is just one reason why mental health among the LGBTQ population needs to be talked about more, so that mental health professionals can be informed and educated, and there can be more options for us, and we can be comfortable talking to any professional.


On a slightly different note YOUR STORY can help change someones life. When I entered college, I very quickly had a great support system for the gay/queer part of my life. But with the mental health stuff, I felt trapped, like I could talk to no one, except the counselor at counseling services who I saw religiously every week my freshmen year. Even though eventually I found some people I could talk to, I still felt separated from my pride friends because I couldn't tell them, even though I knew they would probably super understanding. All it took was for one girl from pride to share her struggle with depression with m, after she sensed that something was off with me ( I was having a bad week at the time). Seriously just one person saying I know what your going through, I went through something similar is so important and life changing.

After that, I decided that enough was enough, and I wasn't going to hide anything anymore. I wasn't going to compartmentalize my life anymore, which is what many people who face the double stigma do.

So mental health issues need to be talked about. GLBTQ rights need to be talked about. They also need to be talked about together. So come to OUTSpoken; a call for LGBTQ voices, and come share your story!

OUTSpoken
Performance and Workshop
Monday 6/24
6pm, Center on Halsted, (Theater, 3rd floor)
Free or pay what you can, register here (or just come)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=VXkhzhmhUzk

Facebook event here https://www.facebook.com/events/390523301053780/?fref=ts

Sponsored by Erasing the Distance, watch the video to learn what ETD does:

Peace -Sam

Good Morning Dears!

So remember way back here when I promised to tell you about my new favorite artist? Well of course you don't which is why I put the link there! His name is Dylan Scholinski, and his work is all about mental health and emotions and depression and feelings. There is also some GLBTQA influence since he is Transgender. The work he does is so powerful its unreal. Here is his website/blog. It has not been updated since around Christmas, and I am on a mission to figure out why! But there's some cool stuff on there like his artwork and his book that he wrote that is for sale. Oh and here's two videos about him and can explain better why he is so fucking awesome and such a strong person in addition to an amazing artist. Peace.

Chicago and the Chicago Tribune, cleary, all in a days work.

More like in the same week! Yes that right my lucky socks landed me in an article that ran in the Chicago Tribune on Wednesday. Coincidence that it was the same week I moved to Chitown? Maybe or maybe not.

Since I like to talk about mental health on here sometimes, (although maybe I haven't in a while?) I thought I'd share the article on here as well. It's very therapeutic in a sense for me to share parts of my story and try and make a small difference. I lie to be honest and open about my Bipolar disorder and I hope this shows how speaking up and talking about it at anytime can really help. Hope you all enjoy the read and Peace.

The Chicago Tribune is Awesome

I just need to keep breathing and I will make it through. Always. I mean, literally you have to keep breathing to keep yourself alive, but figuratively as well. The stress and pressure just builds and builds and when finally a little bit is released you feel so relieved. And oh how I need to continually remind myself that it will be ok. And how other remind me of that in unexpected ways. Like when my professor hands back that paper I wrote at the very last minute that was 1 page short on length and I should of spent way more time on and still managed to get a B. Or even when my friend gets into the program she applies for and I am so happy for her. Through the stress of frustrating people who don't answer your emails and send you the wrong documents, those other things remind me that things do work out. Space. Air. Breathing. Lots of deep breathing. And then time goes by in a flash. This semester is almost over and a completely new adventure will be beginning next spring.

Mentioning spring, the over enthusiasm and excitement that abounds me is intense. Sometimes I look forward to change a little bit too much. My unconsciously high expectations consistently lead to disappointment. Again breathing. Calming myself down. Making sure that I know that I might not get that internship I want. In fact is highly likely that I won't even with encouragement from people who think I would be a great candidate for it. stay positive. But not too positive. Literally and figuratively, balance is something I lack sometimes. Ok more like all the time. not to much good or bad, pos or neg, high or low. My moods, my health, my fam, my life? It can be an unbalanced mess but somehow its all work out eventually, one way or another. Well maybe not my moods. I think I've come to realize that I can't control my moods but rather work with them. And that goes for most things in my life. Letting go of the control. Breathing. The balance comes more naturally if you work with things instead of against them, but that is entirely easier said than done, since our human brains naturally want to work against many things. but not breathing. You have to work to fight against breathing. Don't do that. just breathe. Peace.

3am and she doesn't call me?

Well obviously I don't expect her or anyone to call me at this hour. Well not anymore at least, but Anna Nalick has good music for this time of night. In high school however I used to be that girl who answered the phone at any time of night to the friend whose crisis made them think it was the end of the world as we knew it. In a sense I still am that person. I still sleep with my phone right next to me or under my pillow on vibrate, and my current friends know that I am always there for them. I think maybe my college friends have less crisis's than my high school ones.

Ok so this post may turn into a jumble of sorts, because it is literally about 330am and I for some reason cannot sleep. My body nor my mind does not want to rest tonight. I do wish I could fall asleep, but I though heck, what better time to write a new blog entry? better than the possibly drunken emails I may or may not have sent 2 weeks ago...

...so when I said "her" earlier i was indeed referring to a particular person. I think I may have talked about her before, maybe a bit to much :) However i can now say that this someone is now an official part of my life (for now) as she is now my girlfriend. She makes me so happy and I hope that I do the same for her. But relating back to phone calling point, I literally know that she would probably never call me at this hour, as she is never awake this late due to her intense need for sleep. Seriously this girl might be busier than I am with her school and work. But if she ever found the need to call, I would answer.

The word happy gave me this strong urge to talk about my mood lately, as this is a place where I like to express my feelings. It honestly just makes me feel so much better to talk about whats going on in my head, and when I can't talk to someone, the best alternative is to write about it. Anyways back on track, my mood has been pretty decent lately. I don't want to jinx it but I think I might finally be getting out of my depressive episode that's been latched to me since last winter. The last month or two have been pleasant, and even though I still often get stressed, and have had a few bouts of utter confusion, I am at least a tiny bit happier with my life than I was before. The only part that still dragging me down is my family situation, but that story is for another post another time. What is now worrying me however is that winter is approaching again, and even when my demeanor is at its best its drops a notch during these dreary months, and with it not currently being at its prime, its susceptible to dropping many notches.

I think I will try as always to just take it one day at a time. For reasons I can't really say, my girlfriend unknowingly reminds me sometimes to live in the moment and at this moment I think I am finally getting sleepy. All I can hope for and ask for is that things stay positive. A final note, I may not want to over think the future, but can I dwell on the recent past, like maybe the 3 soda's i drank at 10pm have something to do with me being awake? Goodnight and hope I made sense. Peace.