18 hours, cholent

Google: cho·lent

ˈCHôlənt,ˈCHəl-/

noun

A Jewish Sabbath dish of slowly baked meat and vegetables, prepared on a Friday and cooked overnight. 

Urban dictionary: cholent

An Ashkenazi food that looks like mush. It strongly resembles feces, but it taste heavenly.

mmmmmmmm........... that cholent smells so orgasmic 

Heres a before and after to prove the point (no reeses or boos were included): 

The history of cholent dates back thousands of years, and you can read more about it here http://toriavey.com/toris-kitchen/2011/01/cholent/

Growing up a reform jewish girl (emphasis on the very reform, culture only) I knew what cholent was, and it was a staple at every high holiday...the ones we actually attended. Now whether or not I ate it, as a picky eater, was another story. So the memory of it isn't strong, but I'm reminded of it every time I'm around my jewish relatives for any length of time. It came into my life again right after college, and I just graduated, and had moved in with my grandparents who are religious Jews who celebrate sabbath every week. (Please don't be offended by any misuse of wording or labeling). They ALWAYS had cholent in the house, and some there main purpose in life being grandparents was to feed me, I LIVED ON CHOLENT. Now after that year, it fell by the wayside once more, as I was reveling in the variety of food choices I had forgotten about while living there.

So what do you say prompted me to learn a jewish right of passage per say and learn to make cholent this weekend? No other than one of the other 4 (including myself) jewish coworkers at work. At this point we are a weird possy. But put any jewish person in a room with another jewish person, and you will be talking about food in 60 seconds flat, guaranteed. As soon as he said the word cholent, delicious memories of that year came back, and it was all I wanted. So here it is, my first ever attempt at cholent.

My first attempt has the major no-no's. I used canned beans. Clearly it's doomed. And I cooked in a slow cooker aka crock pot (this no no is iffy). I can only judge by taste, and it's not perfect but my first attempt tastes pretty close amazing with a side of home and love. I'll let the flavors warm me for the next week.

Recipe I made up after looking online
1/2 - 1 pound your favorite meat (I used chuck roast)
1 carton beef stock
2 cans (or equivalent) your favorite beans*
2-3 cups barley
1 onion
1 1/2 cup carrots chopped
3 medium red potatoes
Add any other veggies you like
Salt, pepper, garlic, onion powder, paprika, turmeric, cumin, **

Chop anything that needs chopping, drain and wash beans, and throw everything into the crock pot. Cook on high setting for 3 hours (if your crock pots really strong you can make it 2 hours) then low setting overnight (I cooked on low for 15 hours, for 18 hours total)

*if using fresh/dry beans, soak first (look that up!) and you may need to add water to the stock so you don't have crunchy beans.

**use whichever spices or combo there of you like.

Gun-shy

Gun-shy

Lead the way she says as you open the door

Show me how she says as her boots hit the floor

As you lead her away and she takes it all in

You look in her eyes and she looks end to end

Her arm stiffens tight, but her fingers will pry

She can’t pull the trigger, or make bullets fly

You try to show her, a dozen or so times

But you can’t explain it, fear in your own eyes

How sweet it is

To hold her hand tight as she clutches yours

You watch her spin, spin through the world

And just when she tells you she can’t do no more

You watch her wonder, your little gun-shy girl

She hold the parts, you point out the pieces

It’s pretty rough, she thinks you make it look easy

What she doesn’t know is your putting up a fight

She takes a fancy, and holds the barrel tight

How sweet it is

To hold her hand tight as she clutches yours

You watch her spin, spin through the world

And just when she tells you she can’t do no more

You watch her wonder, your little gun-shy girl

As she lets it go, pushed back into you,

We hang on tight, as we start something new

1. You watch her wonder, your little gun-shy girl. 

jump

Jump. Jumping. Jumpy. I feel jumpy a lot, Sometimes from my anxiety, but sometimes in a good way. but I'm always looking to jump, im always jumping right on the train to the next thing. Ive spent a lot of time in the last year reflecting on my life so far and making ever effort to be in the moment, live in the moment. it part of a very contradictory personality. on the one side, i'm a true gemini, i love the experience of things, everything stimulates me and it promotes that "in the moment" way of things. On the other hand, im a type A personality with an anxiety disorder. I worry. a lot. and think about the future. a lot. it wasnt a month after i moved into this apartment and i was aready thinking about where I would be next year, because i want to move to the west coast? but is that so bad? can't there be a balance? I think I'm very conflicted this fall. parts of my life are so perfect. i love my job, and i like my roomate. very "right now" things that are good. on the other hand i don't like living where i live (not the town, just northern illinois as a whole). so it makes me think about how do i change it? I've got a long hard road ahead of me next year, with 2016 being only three weeks away but im trying not to dwell on it, I think for right now, i will enjoy the warm holiday smell of homemade chex mix my roomate so kindly made and enjoy a nice christmas movie.

Dating, part -1 (negative 1)

Why is dating so complicated? maybe when its complicated its not right? I also truly believe I'm making it complicated. Some people just want simple, and maybe I don't know how to do that. I understand I am very type A personality, I don't like last minute, i don't like not knowing, and its frustrating when its not obvious. It's a challenge that, on my good days, I love it. But on my bad days I can't deal.

I think i am also very scared of simple. The last time I did simple, no definition, go with the flow, it almost destroyed me. And it had a lot to do with that particular person, that person almost destroyed me, and people who knew both of us would agree. I'm to blame for some of it yes, and I was in no place, a bad place, to be doing that kind of thing.

There' one girl in particular I can't figure out for the life of me. She scares me. I need to realize that shes not the "person" from my past. She wants simple. and it scares me.

At this point that one may have fizzled out anyways, I hope not, I'm definitely still interested, I just don't know if she is. I may have screwed it up with mislead intentions...woops.

But then again can't we make our own rules? just to have companionship, and a cuddle buddy, and be there for each other every once in a while when we need someone? In theory, that sounds amazing to me, but what happens when only one person wants more? I don't know if outside of theory, I could actually handle it. one part of my brain says hell yes, and the other says hell no. I want that kind of friendship/relationship back so badly, but is it good for me?

writing has helped, I needed to tell someone and I feel like I have no one to tell. no one to scream at that I am fucking lost. I'm an honest dater, and you get 100% me all the time. However, the "me" you get can change weekly or daily,that comes with the territory, and I don't try to hide it.

I want someone who can deal with ALL OF THAT, and still just be my cuddle buddy, with movies and kisses and hugs and maybe nothing more? we will get to that later. If you deal with me part time, you still have to deal with all of me. Sorry not sorry for keeping it real.

Dating

I think I like her...