Oh the joys of freshmen. Gotta love them! I love being a first connection mentor, really truly, because I get to meet so many wonderful people. The pre-orientation program (first connection) for cultural diversity is just an amazing opportunity for the freshmen who decide to take part in it. And it's a lot of fun, for both the mentors like me and especially for all the mentee's. that's who we do it for really truly freshies, it's all for you. I'm meeting some of the coolest new peeps on campus, but it brings me to the sad fact that I will only be with them for 1 year. Crazy right?
Everything lately seems to remind me about my future. And I mean everything. The last time I'll do this, or I won't get to do that. I wish I could stop thinking about it most times because it makes me so anxious. on the other hand I'm excited to just be living my life, the life I've wanted to live for so long. To live in an apartment, work a job that makes me happy, to help others and be around people, and most importantly be myself. You know maybe I could have a social life again? or a love life?
Ugh my love life is non existent and even that makes me think about my future and the type of person I want to be with. I don't know how to meet people, or maybe I just don't have the time. I need to start making the time. Maybe this year will be different, just maybe. :)
So for all you new freshmen out there, come chill with me, come talk to me. Cleveland Young 335. OOOOh and bring me posters for my wall, its looking a little barren. Talk to you all soon, when I think about what more to write about. Having writing blanks at the moment. Peace.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Oh Blog...
...How I love you so. Although I know I don't show it. Jeez you could even see the mania in the way I wrote that last post. I'll be back very soon blog lovers, very soon.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
The Mind, The Body, and The Soul.
Well, so much for keeping on my promise, but oh well. Seems like so long ago that my last post was, and this summer is flying by. With working my ass off 6 to 7 days a week there a lot of things going unnoticed, and some things that are getting noticed.
Working so much is definitely taking a toll on my body. Teaching swimming is hard work! However I know all the exercise is so good for me. And I really love my job, I get to teach kids all day! I have some really funny and cute stories from work, which maybe I'll post a few soon.
And its a good thing I have a TON of energy to keep up with both my jobs! but there is always a flip side to a lot of energy. Summer Mania. Its not making me happy right now. I mean it is literally making my mood better. My meds definitely tone it down, but the older I get the more I notice the little things. Certain times of day I start talking really fast. And I feel like I want to keep going going going, or do absolutely nothing, with no in between. The only thing I'm dreading is the crash.
Ever since I experienced a really bad depression (when I never really had before) I am constantly scared of going back to that place. I know logically I won't end up like that again if I keep on track but I'm used to illogical thoughts :P That's something I don't know if my family understands fully. There is a lot of stress in my family and an anxiety attack could easily send me down. And its the unknown really. So yea I've got a bit of mania right now, and maybe my crash just brings me back to neutral. but when? 1 month from now? 1 year? my life is just full of so many unknowns.
All I know is what I can do. I take my meds. I've been managing my anxiety 100 times better than I used to. I've been exercising. a lot. I've been doing really well overall. I am afraid of something that shouldn't happen, but still could for any number of reasons. This is the "mind" part if you didn't pick up on that. :P
As for the soul part, there are some things in my life that I love doing, besides my jobs/work. However lately, as in the last few weeks I feel like I have no time for them. I feel like ETD got slightly abandoned (sorry if you are reading this, I miss our emails!). I mean the last email I sent to my supervisor (at ETD) was like 1 sentence and took like 3 days to send. Its terrible. I have somethings I am going to do for them this summer, and they WILL get done, just don't now when yet. I've also been waiting for an ambassador council to roll around again. But like I'm so busy I can't even go to there next show. But I will in the fall, I just keep looking forward. ETD must always be a part of my life, I must make this happen. :DDD
So I think that about covers the body, mind, soul, parts. I'm all over the place. But on the brightest side, I am still finding time to enjoy my summer. Here's a pic of me from Chicago PRIDE. Instagram Style. It was so much fun. Peace.
Working so much is definitely taking a toll on my body. Teaching swimming is hard work! However I know all the exercise is so good for me. And I really love my job, I get to teach kids all day! I have some really funny and cute stories from work, which maybe I'll post a few soon.
And its a good thing I have a TON of energy to keep up with both my jobs! but there is always a flip side to a lot of energy. Summer Mania. Its not making me happy right now. I mean it is literally making my mood better. My meds definitely tone it down, but the older I get the more I notice the little things. Certain times of day I start talking really fast. And I feel like I want to keep going going going, or do absolutely nothing, with no in between. The only thing I'm dreading is the crash.
Ever since I experienced a really bad depression (when I never really had before) I am constantly scared of going back to that place. I know logically I won't end up like that again if I keep on track but I'm used to illogical thoughts :P That's something I don't know if my family understands fully. There is a lot of stress in my family and an anxiety attack could easily send me down. And its the unknown really. So yea I've got a bit of mania right now, and maybe my crash just brings me back to neutral. but when? 1 month from now? 1 year? my life is just full of so many unknowns.
All I know is what I can do. I take my meds. I've been managing my anxiety 100 times better than I used to. I've been exercising. a lot. I've been doing really well overall. I am afraid of something that shouldn't happen, but still could for any number of reasons. This is the "mind" part if you didn't pick up on that. :P
As for the soul part, there are some things in my life that I love doing, besides my jobs/work. However lately, as in the last few weeks I feel like I have no time for them. I feel like ETD got slightly abandoned (sorry if you are reading this, I miss our emails!). I mean the last email I sent to my supervisor (at ETD) was like 1 sentence and took like 3 days to send. Its terrible. I have somethings I am going to do for them this summer, and they WILL get done, just don't now when yet. I've also been waiting for an ambassador council to roll around again. But like I'm so busy I can't even go to there next show. But I will in the fall, I just keep looking forward. ETD must always be a part of my life, I must make this happen. :DDD
So I think that about covers the body, mind, soul, parts. I'm all over the place. But on the brightest side, I am still finding time to enjoy my summer. Here's a pic of me from Chicago PRIDE. Instagram Style. It was so much fun. Peace.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Hello Dears,
Looking forward, I promise to fill this seemingly boring summer with plenty of juicy and interesting material for you all. Due to financial reasons and other lovely circumstances (note the sarcasm) I will be spending the next 10 weeks with my mother at her house. Don't get me wrong, it's not all bad, I mean free rent, most of my food is payed for, but I often wonder if the stress level is worth it. As you may already know, my mom and I are a bipolar power team to say the least. We are very alike, and just don't get along all that well WHEN LIVING TOGETHER. We have realized that we get along much better as mother and daughter when not living together, although there are still ups and downs. However, she is spending about half of each week at her boyfriends, (where she and my brothers are moving at the end of summer) and I think that will give us enough separate time for us to survive the summer without strangling each other. My brothers are another story entirely...
So yes, that means my ACM semester in Chicago is behind me, sadly! :( But never the less Chicago is continually in my future thanks to the experience ACM provided me. It has been an amazing whirlwind that ended all to soon. You gain so much more than you can ever expect on the Chicago Program. Of course there were ups and downs, as with anything in life, but the programs ups definitely outweighed the downs this past semester.
So I saved the most exciting update for last, I got the job I wanted today! Of course I am still working at my true love, the Gap (yes I'm back at Hawthorn! I never transfered more like had a 3 month leave lol). However that's very part time, so I needed another job ASAP. I have never worked a job I didn't love and enjoy, and I've come to live by that with whatever job I do. If you don't like it, you won't be performing at your best. So I went in search of a job that I would enjoy, and I had to eliminate retail because I can't work at a competing clothing store to Gap. I set my eyes on Foss Swim School, recommended to me by one of my dear friends who used to work there. I'll be teaching kids how to swim in a fun and energetic environment. I am so excited that I get to work with kids (cause I love kids, hello, I don't just work at Gap, I work at Kids and BabyGap) and I get to be in the water all summer! Yay swimming! I am so so so so so excited!
Peace.
Looking forward, I promise to fill this seemingly boring summer with plenty of juicy and interesting material for you all. Due to financial reasons and other lovely circumstances (note the sarcasm) I will be spending the next 10 weeks with my mother at her house. Don't get me wrong, it's not all bad, I mean free rent, most of my food is payed for, but I often wonder if the stress level is worth it. As you may already know, my mom and I are a bipolar power team to say the least. We are very alike, and just don't get along all that well WHEN LIVING TOGETHER. We have realized that we get along much better as mother and daughter when not living together, although there are still ups and downs. However, she is spending about half of each week at her boyfriends, (where she and my brothers are moving at the end of summer) and I think that will give us enough separate time for us to survive the summer without strangling each other. My brothers are another story entirely...
So yes, that means my ACM semester in Chicago is behind me, sadly! :( But never the less Chicago is continually in my future thanks to the experience ACM provided me. It has been an amazing whirlwind that ended all to soon. You gain so much more than you can ever expect on the Chicago Program. Of course there were ups and downs, as with anything in life, but the programs ups definitely outweighed the downs this past semester.
So I saved the most exciting update for last, I got the job I wanted today! Of course I am still working at my true love, the Gap (yes I'm back at Hawthorn! I never transfered more like had a 3 month leave lol). However that's very part time, so I needed another job ASAP. I have never worked a job I didn't love and enjoy, and I've come to live by that with whatever job I do. If you don't like it, you won't be performing at your best. So I went in search of a job that I would enjoy, and I had to eliminate retail because I can't work at a competing clothing store to Gap. I set my eyes on Foss Swim School, recommended to me by one of my dear friends who used to work there. I'll be teaching kids how to swim in a fun and energetic environment. I am so excited that I get to work with kids (cause I love kids, hello, I don't just work at Gap, I work at Kids and BabyGap) and I get to be in the water all summer! Yay swimming! I am so so so so so excited!
Peace.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Good Morning Dears!
So remember way back here when I promised to tell you about my new favorite artist? Well of course you don't which is why I put the link there! His name is Dylan Scholinski, and his work is all about mental health and emotions and depression and feelings. There is also some GLBTQA influence since he is Transgender. The work he does is so powerful its unreal. Here is his website/blog. It has not been updated since around Christmas, and I am on a mission to figure out why! But there's some cool stuff on there like his artwork and his book that he wrote that is for sale. Oh and here's two videos about him and can explain better why he is so fucking awesome and such a strong person in addition to an amazing artist. Peace.
So remember way back here when I promised to tell you about my new favorite artist? Well of course you don't which is why I put the link there! His name is Dylan Scholinski, and his work is all about mental health and emotions and depression and feelings. There is also some GLBTQA influence since he is Transgender. The work he does is so powerful its unreal. Here is his website/blog. It has not been updated since around Christmas, and I am on a mission to figure out why! But there's some cool stuff on there like his artwork and his book that he wrote that is for sale. Oh and here's two videos about him and can explain better why he is so fucking awesome and such a strong person in addition to an amazing artist. Peace.
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