Two things you are not going to like

I feel the need to write. But I don't know what about. There's no trigger. There's no issue. No problem or exciting event. No Happy occasion or emotional rampage. but I just want to write. Hmph. I've been thinking a lot about well, everything. Lately, although I have felt like I haven't even had a moment to think, I have actually been thinking. I guess I just didn't notice it til now. It's just like how life catches up to you. It's to late (its like 1am) for my brain to coherently talk about anything serious, but alas I think I am going to attempt this anyways. Religion and Sexuality. OK bad start, but that's what's on my mind. First of all, I was raised Jewish by my mother, mind you she's a liberal "dead head" and for a long time was the only one in her family who was not very religious. my dad's family is some very relaxed form of christian where Easter simply means food and I don't know the last time any of them have been to church. Culturally I Identify as Jewish, cause it's really a Jew thing. However, religiously, I identify with neither. I'm going to try to make this short as my eyes are not happy with me, but honestly I don't identify with any religion. However this does not mean that I am not a spiritually connected person. There was a time when I questioned a lot of things, and I came to the conclusion that I do believe in god in some form, and that god loves everyone. Now here's the rebuttal most people would give me: But your gay, you can't believe in god. But your gay, you can't be religious. But your gay, god doesn't love you. Let's get one things straight: I am not gay. I am not male first of all. I'll admit, if you extend the definition, I am part of the gay community, but I prefer to call it the GLBTQA community. and in a previous post I will quote myself in saying "I am some form of the word gay". Again in a broad sense. but back to the point... ...the point is two things. One, that gays and anyone in the GLBTQA community can be religious and/or spiritually connected. people prove that everyday and to try and deny them that right is not what the god I know would want of people. My second point is to talk about my sexuality. I had to fill out a survey today and the options for sexual orientation were: Straight/Heterosexual, Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, or Other _________. It was the first time I chose other and I filled in the blank with Queer. This may have been due to other things in the past not giving me this option, so I either chose bisexual or sometimes lesbian. Or it could be my continual questioning of my sexual orientation. The problem is I fall somewhere in between. I definitely identify more with the lesbian community, I can relate to them, because mostly I like girls, and I know this for a fact, but its not exclusively that way. The term I most relate with is pansexual, but it's often times just to hard to explain, and I am comfortable with queer. I am attracted to who I am attracted to, no matter there gender identity...Love is Love. This brings me back to god. god loves everyone and all humans deserve love, but I understand that in this world most don't receive it. I don't know where I am going with this really other than I should not have to choose one category of loving. love is love. Goodnight and Peace.

It's been a while...

As much as i like Britney Spears song introduction, that's not where I am going with this. :P

Anyways it really has been way to long since I have posted, I let school and life really get the best of me. It happens, now lets move on to the good stuff!

Where to start. Chicago is so full of life and feeling. it amazes me, inspires me, angers me, frustrates me, confuses me, and makes me so happy all in the course of a single day! This is really difficult for me to handle! You know with my emotions already hard to navigate.

Today's post is about how people (including me) live there lives, and not just in the city but everywhere. However this will be in the context of how I am living.

Even in a city as Large as Chicago, everyone see's it. everyone does it. That dirty look across the L train. Walking past someone a little too quickly. That stare across the street. Hate. Dislike. Different. its all the same and all of its bad. I will admit, I given that dirty look and when I catch myself, I think horribly of myself for doing so.

A while ago, on a blog I just discovered an article blew up over the internet called "I'm Christian, unless your gay". http://www.danoah.com/2011/11/im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html/2/

What he talks about in this piece seems so natural to me, because I agree with him almost every step of the way. I like to believe that all humans are equal and deserve love, and that everyone should show respect for one another no matter what they believe to be right. However, i realize my actions, don't always match what I believe.

In most people's eyes, including my own, I am some form of the word gay. I am in understanding that being in this city I have some privilege which I did not ask for, but is placed on me by society. I am a white woman, who probably comes off as average or middle class, maybe from the clothes I wear, or other things. my hair has grown out a bit (ie not short and lesbian, as many would stereotype), henceforth, throw some mouse in it or heck even a flat iron if I getting really fancy, and I come off as 100% straight to anyone seeing me walk down the street. Normal. Average. Privilege. ps I also carry a purse, what a shocker!

So for the Hispanic man walking down the street in Logan square, because he has come to expect someone like me, a young white gentrifier, if you will, to look down on him, he has learned to do the same in return, to look down on me, and give me that dirty look right back, whether I looked at him or not.

It is a system of disrespect of differences and pure hatred that has perpetuated this. And I don't like it one bit.

I've been on the other side to. I've been the blindly obvious lesbian walking down the street, and if not in say, Boystown, I get looks, most of them not nice.

In my time living here, I have tried and put much effort into doing the exact opposite. To giving a sympathetic smile to the homeless man on the corner of Clark street. Know that when I stare briefly, it is truly with understanding eyes, curious eyes. I envy the girl who walks down the street with a Hijab on her head every single day.

They are not better than me, nor I better than them. They are all people living on this earth and we all deserve the same treatment. We say this world is becoming more tolerant but sometimes I don't see it.

On the other hand I know I I'm not perfect, and I'm still working to make all my actions match my beliefs. Every day I ride the buses and L trains and every day I make that semi conscious decision to sit next to the white woman instead of the black man. When I catch myself, I try to make up for that decision in some way, correct myself later, so that I can show the world all the love I have for everyone who lives here, no exceptions or exclusions.

I want to only do what I believe is fair and right. You can not fight for equal rights (that means you gays!) if you have hatred for another group and believe that they are not equal. maybe my smile will make a small difference for someone one day. Show your love to the world, and you will be loved back. Race, Religion, Culture, Ethnicity, Sexuality, and Gender Identity. None of it matters. so show your love to everyone! Peace.