By the way, I dyed my hair and got a well needed haircut. My old picture was blonde and I've been light brown for a while, but just dyed it really brunette a few days ago. I also hadn't cut it since probably September so it was really scruffy. I'm also in the process of growing it out just a bit, but the cut I had was a-symmetrical so she cut a bit off to even it out. Its cute and short and I will continue to let it grow, but I new it needed to be healthy to do that. :)Peace.

PAPERWORK!

Who knew that moving only 30 miles away required so much paperwork? oh yea I did. and believe me, I have a lot less than people going moving half way across the world, like my friend Matt for example who I will miss dearly while he is in Germany next semester, or my friends Joanna and Jessica who will be in London. but.....

I am ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that CHICAGO will distract me so much I won't even have time to miss them. So really, all the paperwork is definitely worth it. This form here, that form there, keys to my RA, 5 million signatures, 10 million emails, and 4 trips to my schools business office later, I am officially checked out! Which In turn means that I am officially moving to Chicago this February and hopefully enjoying all of the exciting wonders the city had to offer thanks to ACM.

I also know there is probably more paperwork ahead even, just waiting for word from the program, as I am expecting a flurry of updates and such very soon.

As efficient as I may be with my paperwork ( or at least I'm told that I'm very timely) I wish my professors would hurry up with theirs and submit my grades! As if I don't have enough to be anxious about.....

Peace.

Oh look what time it is?

Yes, its 1am yet again. but heck isn't this always when I write my best work? I think I need to stop denying the fact that my relationship with sleep is one of love and hate.

Anyways today was the last day of classes and I literally was so excited at being one step closer to being done with this semester that it took till now for it hit me: This is my last class here until next school year! 9 months away! crazy. Now I just need to get through 3 final exams and then I'm done.

Its going to be quite odd not being here at LFC. Since I did research last summer I've technically been here for 16 months! I think I might miss my residence hall Cleveland Young, the most. Its my home figuratively and literally since it almost looks like an actual house.

Its somehow slightly more comforting knowing that a lot of my friends are going places for the spring semester as well. I feel like we will want to talk to each other about our experiences.

I guess I don't have that much to say tonight I just felt like blogging something.

Someone motivate me to study! Please?

Peace.

Hello Next Chapter of This Thing We Call Life!

So, for those of you who actually take the time to read my tiny little blog, much thanks, and be aware that the audience for my blog just got a little more global. Ok maybe not literally global, but I'd like to give you all a brief update on some things.

I am now officially was they call and "ACM Global Ambassador". I like the fancy title just as much as you do. Ok enough with the humor it's actually really important and I am so thrilled to be representing ACM Chicago over the next five 6 months or so.

So what does this all mean? well as you may or may not have known I won't be at my little bubble of a school that we call LFC next semester, because starting in T minus 60 days or so, I will be moving into an apartment in the AMAZING city of Chicago and studying all the wonderful things about the arts there for a few months! I get to have and internship and do this independent project and participate in all this schnazzy stuff thanks to ACM (by the way that stands for associated colleges of the Midwest, and being a part of that system is one of the many thing I love about where I go to school)

OK OK I seriously need to get to the point. So how does this Ambassador thing relate to my blog audience? Well essentially the main part of my job is to write a blog about my experiences during the program. I figured heck since I already have a blog, and was planning on telling all of you (meaning the lonely 5 of you that currently read this blog) about my experiences, why not tell more people and get recognized for doing it?

I'll let you all into my brain a little bit more later regarding how I am preparing for this giant City that stand in front of me. As for now, just know that I am very very excited. Peace.

People

I see people. people are everywhere in my life. Even when my room mate is gone from our cozy little dorm room on the first floor, I can look out our window that is almost to large for the room and see people. I can walk into our lounge and almost always find people. At school I deal with people. At work this past weekend, I dealt with hundreds of people during this crazy shopping season. Sometimes people get to me. I know psychology tells me that social interactions are good for me, and I know they are too, but not everything is always helpful. Things like social media can be so damaging to someone. I mean that not really physical interaction, but its something isn't it? Sometimes I don't want to be around certain people and I have too, and other times I want certain people to be around but they can't. My latest example is that I have realized its been over 6 weeks since I've last seen my girlfriend. That's the longest we've ever gone and it will be at least 2 more weeks before our paths will cross. I miss her like crazy. Or like my friend Liz, and her gypsy independent ways. She's a gnome coming and going as she pleases. I haven't seen her or spoken to her in months, but I know we will soon. I miss her a lot as well. There's people, well a person, that I never want to see again, as in my life would be a but better if I never had to deal with this person ever again. He's still a person and he still deserves a good life, but I'd prefer it if that life would cease to include me and my family. We are all just people who need to interact with each other, whether willingly or unwillingly. People are what motivate me, inspire me. psychology. It all comes back to psychology. what inspired me today to write about this, was sitting in the lounge on this Sunday evening. Slowly watching the people return from thanksgiving break. And yes I was thankful for many people this past week, including the person I wish I never saw again. He contributed to the experiences in my life which help make me the person I am today. yes very cliche. what more can I say about people? everything. But I think this is all for now. Peace.

I just need to keep breathing and I will make it through. Always. I mean, literally you have to keep breathing to keep yourself alive, but figuratively as well. The stress and pressure just builds and builds and when finally a little bit is released you feel so relieved. And oh how I need to continually remind myself that it will be ok. And how other remind me of that in unexpected ways. Like when my professor hands back that paper I wrote at the very last minute that was 1 page short on length and I should of spent way more time on and still managed to get a B. Or even when my friend gets into the program she applies for and I am so happy for her. Through the stress of frustrating people who don't answer your emails and send you the wrong documents, those other things remind me that things do work out. Space. Air. Breathing. Lots of deep breathing. And then time goes by in a flash. This semester is almost over and a completely new adventure will be beginning next spring.

Mentioning spring, the over enthusiasm and excitement that abounds me is intense. Sometimes I look forward to change a little bit too much. My unconsciously high expectations consistently lead to disappointment. Again breathing. Calming myself down. Making sure that I know that I might not get that internship I want. In fact is highly likely that I won't even with encouragement from people who think I would be a great candidate for it. stay positive. But not too positive. Literally and figuratively, balance is something I lack sometimes. Ok more like all the time. not to much good or bad, pos or neg, high or low. My moods, my health, my fam, my life? It can be an unbalanced mess but somehow its all work out eventually, one way or another. Well maybe not my moods. I think I've come to realize that I can't control my moods but rather work with them. And that goes for most things in my life. Letting go of the control. Breathing. The balance comes more naturally if you work with things instead of against them, but that is entirely easier said than done, since our human brains naturally want to work against many things. but not breathing. You have to work to fight against breathing. Don't do that. just breathe. Peace.

3am and she doesn't call me?

Well obviously I don't expect her or anyone to call me at this hour. Well not anymore at least, but Anna Nalick has good music for this time of night. In high school however I used to be that girl who answered the phone at any time of night to the friend whose crisis made them think it was the end of the world as we knew it. In a sense I still am that person. I still sleep with my phone right next to me or under my pillow on vibrate, and my current friends know that I am always there for them. I think maybe my college friends have less crisis's than my high school ones.

Ok so this post may turn into a jumble of sorts, because it is literally about 330am and I for some reason cannot sleep. My body nor my mind does not want to rest tonight. I do wish I could fall asleep, but I though heck, what better time to write a new blog entry? better than the possibly drunken emails I may or may not have sent 2 weeks ago...

...so when I said "her" earlier i was indeed referring to a particular person. I think I may have talked about her before, maybe a bit to much :) However i can now say that this someone is now an official part of my life (for now) as she is now my girlfriend. She makes me so happy and I hope that I do the same for her. But relating back to phone calling point, I literally know that she would probably never call me at this hour, as she is never awake this late due to her intense need for sleep. Seriously this girl might be busier than I am with her school and work. But if she ever found the need to call, I would answer.

The word happy gave me this strong urge to talk about my mood lately, as this is a place where I like to express my feelings. It honestly just makes me feel so much better to talk about whats going on in my head, and when I can't talk to someone, the best alternative is to write about it. Anyways back on track, my mood has been pretty decent lately. I don't want to jinx it but I think I might finally be getting out of my depressive episode that's been latched to me since last winter. The last month or two have been pleasant, and even though I still often get stressed, and have had a few bouts of utter confusion, I am at least a tiny bit happier with my life than I was before. The only part that still dragging me down is my family situation, but that story is for another post another time. What is now worrying me however is that winter is approaching again, and even when my demeanor is at its best its drops a notch during these dreary months, and with it not currently being at its prime, its susceptible to dropping many notches.

I think I will try as always to just take it one day at a time. For reasons I can't really say, my girlfriend unknowingly reminds me sometimes to live in the moment and at this moment I think I am finally getting sleepy. All I can hope for and ask for is that things stay positive. A final note, I may not want to over think the future, but can I dwell on the recent past, like maybe the 3 soda's i drank at 10pm have something to do with me being awake? Goodnight and hope I made sense. Peace.

Yet again, technology gets the best of people.

So for me technology has gotten me in the form of me not using it like I should, and in this case, me not having made a new blog post in a while. I do apologize, but we all know how my life gets. Technology, as useful as it is, really does take time and effort and it sometimes doesn't always fit in my life so well.

For other people however, technology is getting the best of them in the form of my very basic intro to web programming class. To people who just do not understand computers, it is obviously difficult to learn all this new programming like html and css and java. But for someone like me who is almost as new to this as everyone else, I sit in class rather bored. The concepts are so basic and simple to me, and even though I don't have much experience with it, my mind just comprehends it well. Given, we are only at a very basic level right now, and as it gets harder I might start getting as confused as everyone else who knows. And I will admit I learn a small thing or two every class period, but that 1 minute of knowledge does not justify the 1 1/2 hours I sit there for the rest of the time. So for right now I sit in the library, trying to do some other homework because I already finished my assignment for that class in less than 20 minutes, and its not even due until next Tuesday (its Thursday by the way). But I am also here waiting for random people to show up, who have all asked me for help because they just don't get it. I am happy to do so, just as long as they don't think I know anymore than they do cause really I don't.

All is well for now I guess, and all I can say is that I am glad this class turned out to be an easy one, because I really am overloaded in my other ones. Here is a link to my developing website, if you would like to see: Click Me Peace.

An apology thats not an apology that is an apology

I'm sorry world, but I cannot constantly be sorry. I can't continuously be apologetic for things that aren't my fault. I'm sick of feeling guilty and I am sick of having my mind in dissonance (the benefits of a psychology vocabulary!). I make decisions for me and only me and I am not influenced by anyone else and their biased opinions. If you don't like those decisions that's your problem, not mine. I try not to take sides. I try to be a good friend, although I suck at it. I have also stopped trying to please others at the expense of my self happiness, although I'm still working on this one. I know this sometimes makes others unhappy but again not my problem. I know I sound like a botch but here's something that might make up for that. When it comes to the happiness and safety of a child who is in important in my life, that is the only exception. Again I won't go so far as to sacrifice myself, but my decisions may change to better benefit someone else and not just me alone. The life of a child matters so much more to me than many other things in life.

Today, I am mostly sorry to my father. I am sorry for the way things have temporarily ended. For the longest time you never made me happy, but then there was hope. I would often look past your views and stupid ways and see some of the same things my mother loved about you. You have done some good things for me, but those don't out way the damage you've caused. Please no that I love you and we will speak again someday, but right now my most basic and simplistic morals tell me I can't.

I am also sorry to my friend. You are one of few and I pushed it to far. I was only trying to help as I always am, but I got to close. I'm sorry I got to close, it's a bad habit of mine. I know you love me but please know that your words stung. It's going to be hard to get the distance you need because of our lives being so intertwined, but I will make my best effort to stay away. This task will be even more difficult because your the only one I have here. Your one of my only reasons for staying where I am. Everyone else has betrayed me or just fallen by the to the side and you technically have not :). I'm going to find my own way on things which might mean I might not be around here as much, because there is really no one left for me here. I love you and I'm sorry.

Now I feel I've gotten out what I need to say and expressed all the apologies necessary. I'm going to try and not feel sorry anymore today. Peace.

When you don't know what to do...

Do nothing. Except that's not working out to well for me. I honestly think that my life is a mess half the time and as soon as something goes well something else has to complicate it again. I feeling very lost and confused right now. I keep thinking about this one person and I don't even know what to do. Do I listen to my head or listen to my heart? I feel like I know the logical answer to this but it doesn't feel like the right one. I'm a big believer in fate and if this person is in my life right now there's a reason for it, and until they decide to take themselves out of my life I know they need to be there. If anyone reads this hos good at givng advice please let me know. I am lost in a big giant world but feel completely stuck in a small one. Peace.

Why does everything have to be so difficult?

Karma. I dislike that word with a passion. I don't know if I believe in it but if I did, I have the worst Karma ever. I generally think that I try to be a good person, but there are bad people in the world that try to ruin the lives of good people. Sometimes I feel like why cant something end and just go away, like a particular situation that likes to bite you in the ass. Just when things start to look up and go right they go very very wrong. There is a person from my families past that is truly out to ruin our lives. And I mean literally. He is mentally ill and doesn't take medication and is trying to make my families life a living hell. For most part it generally doesn't involve me, and shouldn't involve me, but he tries to make it involve me. It stresses the hell out of me and I just can't deal with his shit anymore. It like go away please and just leave me the fuck alone. It just makes my life so complicated and I don't have the time or energy to deal with it. Why do bad things never seem to happen to him? I mean I don't wish anything bad on anyone but seriously he done so much wrong in life I don't see how its possible that he still has suck good karma. If you wanna know more I'd be happy to share, just let me know. Just a bad and stressful day but I hope everyone who reads this had wonderful days today. peace.

Time fly's when you realize you don't like your crazy life

So I apologize for not having updated in quite a while, as I did promise not to get to busy during the school year. I already see it happening but I'm not going to let it catch me. I am generally unhappy tonight which is a major reason why I am writing. I need to write so that my feeling don't get all bottled up. But I have realized that I don't really like the life I am living at the moment. I am slowly losing the passion for school, but keep looking towards the end goal which is my diploma. I am mostly unhappy with a lot of the people and drama around me. My college is so small its no different from high school, maybe even worse. And I feel like people never actually leave here, because even once that bitch in the front row graduates she still finds ways back into your life. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of losing friends because of the awful environment that surrounds me here, outside of class that is. Let me say this, that I do love my school and the education I'm receiving here, and some of the professors are pretty amazing. But other than that I've just realized that this is not really the right place for me anymore. My heart and happiness lie in living somewhere else that is other than here. I might not be sure exactly where yet, but I know I'll need to get away from this place and leave a lot of people behind. Not now of course, because I intend to finish my last 2 years and graduate, but still to get away from it all as much as I can until then. I know there are good people in this world I just have to find my place. Peace

How About Connections First?

I can't believe it's been over a week since I have put up a new post! I knew I would get busy and caught up with life, but I won't let it get the best of me. I need some major "me time" today so this is my ow personal escape during this crazy week at my school we call first connection. Its a program where a select group of freshman get to come for a pre-orientation that's based around diversity and multiculturalism. and I am one of the mentors, similar to a camp counselor. It is super fun but absolutely exhausting. But meeting all these new freshman made me think about the ways we connect with people in the world. I have people on my facebook that I've never met before and I mean I don't have any problems with anyone but over the last couple of days I've just been connecting what some might say the old fashioned way, by going up and talking to people. No facebook, no meet once and then only text for the next month, no nothing like that, just simply hanging out and talking to people. And I've already made a new friend who hung out with me for a bit tonight. We don;t have eachother phone numbers or anything, but we just know that we will see each other tomorrow at breakfast, and that is all we need. I am a social person so I thrive off of social interactions (although is does tire me out at times) so for me its hard to keep friendships alive simply based on twitter posts. All of these social media are helpful but we have to realize they are not everything. and this is coming from the girl who has a twitter, facebook, myspace, tumblr, skype, formspring, youtube, 3 emails, and a blog. Surprisingly this was not the post I intended to write tonight, but I just started thinking about it so I thought I'd share even though I know many before me have probably said similar things. So just maybe next time, before you add that person because of 5 mutual friends on facebook, make the connection first. Peace.

A person and falling hard.

I could simply use this post to express my feelings right now, but again there is not much point in that, unless I say whats causing all of these feelings. The cause as you may have guessed, is a person, but not just any person. You see, there is this girl, and by posting this I do know that there is a risk of her reading this, but in a way I hope she does. I am falling for this girl. I am falling HARD for this girl. I don't know what it is but I think it's a sign when I can't stop thinking about her...

Ok put on the brakes for a sec. so clearly I've just outed myself. so queer haters buzz off, and queer lovers, I heart you. :)

So I've been dating this girl for almost 2 months but because of us both being generally broke and that we live over 3 hours apart :( we only just went on our "official" first date 2 days ago (official according to my other friends rules of what qualifies a date, that we all live by lol). Mind you we had seen each-other before then, but generally just hung out and did casual things in groups and such and also generally taking things really slow, for both our sakes.

So I am feeling kind of scared, ok like majorly scared. I have no clue what I am doing. But I can't shake this feeling. But I know it scares her too. It scares her that I might feel more strongly about her than I'm letting on. I don't think I'm any good at hiding it. But problem is, I don't even know how I feel. I care for her a lot and I like her a lot but that all I know really and there are times when I can't get her out of my mind. When I go and visit her its always to short and I wanna turn around from the second I leave. I think my mind is going a little bit to fast but thankfully it still controls itself. I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling. It isn't love, yet. I know that for sure its to soon and not that strong. Its just a strong attraction to being around this person.

What sparked this post today was the fact that I went up on Thursday to see her and I left today (Saturday, two days, so short :P) because I work retail and had to work the Saturday closing shift, and what makes me very mad is that they cut hours and let me go home early. Any other day totally fine. When I drove back 3 hours because I had to work and could have spent an extra day with this girl instead? Did not make me super thrilled. But then I just think about how happy this amazing girl makes me, I just had to let it go and I know I can't change it now. She is one of the few things in my life that is positive and happy at the moment. The last thing I know tonight is that I miss her. Peace.

Molthers are Mothers no matter what

My mother. I thought it might be a but soon to talk about my mother on here so I might not go into our entire relationship history but since this is a blog of what goes on in my life, this post will be about my mother. She is one of the most amazing women I've ever known. She's done more for me in my life and sacrificed so much that its hard to even comprehend. But making me feel guilty about it? That's where I feel it crosses the line. 3 weeks. That was all I needed for a place to stay as I moved from my summer housing but not yet into my housing for the school year. My dad's is pretty far away, esp from my part time job, and his house isn't much better. My mom agreed to let me stay with her, no big deal. but from day 1 we just can't seem to get along. We fight about the little things, the big things every single day. She knows how to hurt me bad and I don't think she realizes how much it hurts that our relationship is so strained. She constantly brings up my mistakes of the past and wont let them go. Her along with my brothers who generally don't take a liking to me, make for a very negative environment that is not healthy for me. Today was the second time in 24 hours that we got in a big fight and I just simply left without any pace in particular to go. So for now I am staying at a friends place just to get some space. But what really put me over the edge with her today, was that she had the nerve to call my father and tell him to talk to me. Like I was a kid again. I am 20 years old, and adult who is completely self sufficient and pays for everything herself. There is not one thing my mom pays for anymore and has not supported since I entered college, so am I right in thinking that she should not have a say? understandably I am staying with her in her house, and must follow her rules, which I have been diligently, much to my dismay. The funny thing is that we are so alike its not even funny, and she does not see it. All of the problems are always my fault even though its more 50 50 to my understanding. sometimes I feel like I'm the parent in this relationship and shes the kid. She can just make me feel horrible about myself sometimes but she is still my mother and I still love her. There is a lot I could say about our stupid fight today, but there is no need to go on about it. I'm going to stay positive, and try to get through the next two weeks, even if that means couch hopping, or in tonight's case, a fouton. August 13th I am counting down the days. Peace.

Choosing to spend your time wisely.

It is Sunday, and unusually I was not scheduled to work at my part time job. mind you, the schedules have been a little wack lately because managers have been quitting left and right over the past few months and we've had temps and subs, and new ones that quit on us ect. but anyways what did i decide to do with my time? nothing that has helped me really. I decided to contact a friend to resolve and issue that we've been having. I figure there's no good time to deal with it. and it gets me all worked up. you know that feeling when your not sure where your friendship stands and all you want is some sort of closure on an issue? well that's how I've felt for a while. and even just trying to talk to this person about it gets frustrating and makes me upset. I think we are getting closer to being on the same page, and I feel a little better about it right now. but its that feeling that a temporary stressor never seems to become solved. And It also gets me upset when my friends are upset about things and I have no way of knowing about it, I can only speculate. Sometimes i just want it to end and not linger over me. the situation that is not the friendship, because the last thing I want is this friendship to end. There was some progress today, so maybe going on that I can find a way to turn this day around and find something to do other than mope around and linger on it.

Being an adult sucks...In a good way

So today as I was sitting on my computer a bit bored and thinking about how I was going to make today great, my mother gives me the perfect opportunity to get out and do something. She has to run some errands and asks me to tag along for the ride. Why not? Not like I had anything else to do. now all is going well when she decides that we should make an unplanned stop at the mall. She wanted to look for some new shorts and we ended up at charlotte russe which is a store that I generally enjoy. And to clear one thing up, it is not unusual for my mom to shop there, she dresses pretty young and we shop at a lot of the same places. Anyways I at first thought we were just shopping for her, but I was casually glancing for myself and wasn't really intending on getting anything, although they had major sales going on. I just went shopping for myself last weekend, which I had not done in a very very long time and didn't feel i needed to spend any more money. But as usual my mother starts picking out things for me and saying "oh that would look great on you" or "isnt this pretty" while handing me a colorful top or floral skirt. I figured whats the harm in trying some things on, they are all on sale, the stuff is cute, and my mom obviously wants me too. But before I had made the desicion in my head to actually shop for a few things, I had made the assumption that my mom wanted to buy me these things, and that's why she was encouraging me. that was wrong assumption number 1. In this situation I was not her daughter necessarily, just another adult friend to be shopping with. If she had been shopping with her best friend, they would each pay for there own things. This is also on top of the fact that money is very tight for her, and one of the reasons I am what some may call an independent adult is because she just cant afford to support me. So looking back on it I understand why when I walked out of the fitting room, she was already purchasing her items at the register and not waiting for me to give her what I picked out. Oh the dangers of trying on clothes. I had fallen in love with a bohemian top and a cute printed skirt. As I walk up to her at the register I show her which ones I picked but say I don't know if I want to spend the money, mind you it was only 20 dollars for the 2 items. She replies by stating that I've worked hard this summer and that I deserve to splurge a little. That was all it took. So although that 20 dollars may have been better spent on gas and was not necessarily in my budget it will all work itself out. Today was another small step in the road of life, but it didn't catch me on my laces. And another thing I realized is what a qguilty influence my mother is on me! peace.

First reflections

Today I am feeling good. It is my first day off of work and off my two week vacation before I go back to school. This has given me a lot of time to think. Already. I think about everything, but lately my minds been on the past. mind you I'm not dwelling only trying to learn from it. My parents think I have a problem with that and that I don't learn from my mistakes. However I don't think that's true, I just learn a little differently, and what they might see as a mistake, I see as something positive, or at least I try to. positive thinking. I could write for a whole day about that.

So back to my reflections. Lately I have not been feeling so good. and surprisingly that is very hard for me to admit. This morning in particular I was contemplating the last week or so. I don't want to get to serious too soon but I had one really bad day that kind of threw me off. And this is not just any normal bad day, but i thought about it, and clearly according to the resat of my week I didn't let it get to me as much as I thought. I went to the movies with my friends, I laughed with my boss, and I went out to lunch with people.  I guess just needed to see if my thought process made sense. I like to talk things or write them out to organize my mind a bit. And now that I feel ok about my reflections, I'm going to go make the best of today, my first day off. peace.

The End

I know, the end. an unusual way to start something, especially the first post of a blog which can be a journey in and of itself. but the end, is what's motivated me to start this blog and write out my life, emotions and just everything. Lately I had been thinking about the end a lot, and yes I'm referring to ending my life. and for all safety purposes, I have no intention of doing so, so no one freak out. But there was a point that I did think that, and even though it was semi recent, it a story for another time and another post. but for now I think blogging about how I'm feeling, like journaling, might be one of the best coping mechanisms to deal with the many stressors that seem to affect my life. And heck maybe my life will be entertaining to people, or helpful but i can only hope for that at the moment. But to add a clause to that, I am NOT looking for any pity. I know many others lives are much worse off than mine, and I will not complain, only discuss the problems that I face in as mature a manner as possible. I will admit however that my emotions do get the better of me sometimes.

I'm someone who works hard and is grateful for everything she has. I'm going to keep this short, and I'm not one to just simply write out everything about me right off the bat, and at the moment who I am is a mystery, but I will continually reveal myself as I am a constantly changing person. and I have been told by a very wise person that ending that change and ending the chance for opportunity and growth in life, before you have completed your fated journey, is a tragedy. And in my book, messing with fate is not an option. my philosophy is that everything happens for a reason, and more importantly never regret. you will here that a lot in this place. That is all so for now, peace.