Sunday, April 26, 2015

Being sick sucks.....

....However I am being surprisingly productive. Since my only option is to be in bed doing nothing, I've gotten quite a bit done on my computer. stupid fucking boring life shit. Usually my weekends are a break form the computer and technology. But my laptop and netflix have been my stupid colds best friend. yping also helps since my voice was obliterated at work on friday.

So i have a sever cold, and its a doosy.You can ask anyone, i never admit I'm sick, ever. I rarely get sick for that matter. though it was april, im golden, i made it through midwestern winter without even the smallest cold or virus then.....bam. last thursday I started coughing on the way home from work (around 6pm). by the time i went to bed my throat hurt, my head hurt, i couldn't breathe when i laid down and i was coughing up a storm. It was late, and i looked in the bathroom and the kitchen and everywhere my mom keeps medicine, and nada! no cold medicine! Seriously? every kind of tums, allergy releif, and leftover antibiotics gallore, but i could not find the cold medicine. I had an epipheny and knew exactly where it was, in HER bathroom. But i wasn't going to wake her.

She really is a safe mom in that way, my little bro-albeit he would never do something like take meds-is only 14.

I settled for my own antihistemine that would temporarily make me breathe so i could sleep (sort of) and went and bought cold medicine before work on friday and sludged through the day. And now my entire weekend has been trying to rest and get better. I hate it. I hate being sick. I hate not having the choice but to be here. its partly because its nice out (spring!) and the sunshine is calling me, and partly because being forced to lay here and deal with shit in my life is anxiety provoking. but we all got to do it.

So besides my remedy of cold medicine, rest, tea, and fluids. any other cures for bad colds/chest congestion? even for next time would love to here.

peace

Sam


Saturday, April 4, 2015

9 months later....

haha, that would have been even funnier on April 1st. so no i'm not pregnant and don't plan to be anytime soon! but in the future, lots of kids! :). In fact ive been single the past 9 months.

Sooooo lately I've been craving the writing, yearning for it, but my motivation somehow wouldn't allow me the time. in our world, when you work on a computer all day, the last thing you want to do when you get home is start up your computer......

last few months have been uneventful. I got a real job, although Im still a contract worker (temp to hire), I am treated with respect, and people are normal, were I make at least close to a living. moneys being saved, debt payed down. I moved back home, and I'm going to move again this summer.

But lately i just need to talk, scream, shout, cry and talk some more! i needed to write. even when in this im technically talking to no one. and everyone. all at the same time. online world

I don't where this journey that is life is going to take me, I am just rolling with it. or at least trying to. it been a hard winter. I still feel as though there is a lot on my plate, even though the abuse of my old job was behind me. I still feel like im going to fail everyday. I see other temp workers get fired, albeit for legitimate reasons, and even though my boos and my agency continually tell me im meeting my goals and doing everything right, I am so scared of not being ok again. not sure how i'm paying my bills. I am scared of finances, even though in 9 months I managed to pay off all credit cards accept one. I'm turning 24 and im still very scared of the real world. I always have a place to stay with family, but my family is not a financial safety net, they haven't been in a long time. its not there faults, although in my opinion some things about both my parents (they are dovorced) situations could be changed, yet they choose not to and as there daughter I have to respect that. I get mixed messages, my mom can't stand me one minute, and the next is begging me to stay, I am moving out soonish for both our sanity, and because ive created my own safety net. I have savings, and although small its more than most people my age can say for themselves, and it could get me by for 3 months if i lost my job. I SHOULD FEEL SAFE, yet I dont. I know so many other people my age (and beyond) feel these same things. it not just money, it health insurance, its work its making other people happy. I NEED TO KEEP MAKING ME HAPPY. its something I continually struggle with. I know it. I think it. I live it sometimes, but not enough of the time.

I am attempting to make healthy steps. in the fall i was in survival mode. The winter it was the where do i go from here mode. and maybe a slight bout of depression. Spring has brought me insight to do the things that are right for me. I have given up my non profit work, for now, until something else catches my heart. Im thinking next will be rescue cats.....just a thought. I considered getting a second very very part time job, and was even offered one by a friend, but remembered to say no to something i could not give 100% to. I have changed my relationships, making adult decisions not to keep people around that keep me in the past, and bring me down. I realized that i am a classic american, addicted to stuff. ive slowly made changes to declutter the stuff that doesn't make me happy.

I may have said a lot of this stuff before, and many of my posts are downers. life happens, we have to accept it and move on. i keep attempting to live every day with no regrets,

there is more to come soon my dears, lots more i want, need, to say.

peace.




Thursday, July 31, 2014

Summer, sunny, short, and sweet

Summer time is my favorite time of year. Don't ask me why. I have curly hair that says "fuck you" every year when the humidity rolls around; I look horrible in pastels, and best in jewel tones or brighter, deeper colors; and I am terrified of almost all bugs and insects. But on the other hand I love warm weather (I am always cold), and the vitamin D definitely helps my mood. I love being outside. I just love summer.

Its been a short one this year, with summer getting a late start in the midwest due to a very long winter where snow carried well into spring. I've tried to take advantage of every sunny day though, at least in some way, going for bike rides, going to the beach, or simply walking or lounging in the sun.

Now onto the sweet part. watermelon, ice cream, and fruity cocktails, yum.

However parts of my summer have not been so sweet. I lost my job, of which in the long run I appreciate because I was miserable there. There are things about the last year of my life that i wish i could have done differently, but I do not regret them. I have a new job, which starts in September, and feel i will be much happier. before then I have a road trip with my best friend and favorite adopted grandma to Nashville, of which I will be photo blogging major. ANY SUGGESTION ON WHAT TO DO, SEE, EAT, ECT IN NASHVILLE please comment!

So as the second half of summer comes around the bend (I am simply ignoring all the sales references to fall, bleh) thing are looking much sweeter!

And if you are wondering what in the hell am I doing with my life until September if I'm not working, (did i skip that part, my bad) I am studying to achieve my real estates license. Motivation and advice on the subject always welcomed!

See you at the beach Summer Sunnies!

Peace.

Sam

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Getting back to the fight!

This Holiday season boldly reminded me that giving back is in my nature, and that the last time I did anything non profit was summer (yikes!). So I got back to work, back to advocacy, and back to the fight!

People are right when they say that networking really pays off. Once I put my mind in the right spot to find non profit opportunities, I found out my second cousin (Someone I've known since childhood) is on the board of NCJW, or the National Council of Jewish Women, Chicago North Shore Chapter. Now I just don't go willy nilly fighting for any cause, but it just so happens that many of the things this organization stands for are things I already support, just with a Jewish twist. Oh did you all forget that i am Jewish? :P  Check them out here  http://ncjwcns.org/.

They are this amazing liberal organization that supports women and children, tackling everything from domestic violence, to environmental issues, community service to kids programs, and poverty to Jewish holidays. I mean, it covers a wide niche, and has a place for a lot of people including me. However, whenever an organization has a religious or cultural twist, I am always skeptical, but after reading and talking with my cousin about it, it had most of the things I was looking for, and I was very excited to help.

So here I am, currently volunteering a few hours a week for my cousin to help with some organizational and administrative tasks. A message for everyone is that if you reach out to groups like these, they will find an opportunity that works for you, whether that is a one time event or a long term commitment.

Also in the works is a possible volunteering gig for an arts organization.......crossing my fingers!

This season, find time to give back and support your passions!


Sunday, November 10, 2013

Caramel Apple Spice

the girl next to me goes back and fourth, back and fourth, between sounding eerily like a girl who has had a huge fight with her friend sitting diagonally from her in a triangle of three, where anger and manipulation are the key tones, and then turns into a sweet, advice giving person, laughing with her best friend. It doesn't help that she, appearing the strongest personality or the entirely dominant of the three, is talking in 40 percent english, and 60 percent something I dont understand, so its not spanish or english. The other two are much better at dividing their conversations, they finish each sentence at least in one language before switching to the other. They are literally practically on top of me, as I am in a corner in a soft leather lounger, part of a set of four, two facing the other two, and they took one and turned it to make a triangle. Here is a diagram for your reference, excuse my windows paint skills.



So don't take any of this negatively, I dont mind these women, or anyone else here for that matter. As you may well know I find human behavior, especially in public places fascinating. In a way I love these women for inspiring this blog post as a stream of my surroundings.

On the contrary completely, the table far in front of (above) me are two beautiful women, I am assuming students because of the work that they are doing, being very polite and quiet with their laptops lightly chatting and one was even skyping, but quiet to the point that I couldn't hear what she was saying. They are both wearing hjabs, another grouping of culture I know nothing about.

In the everyone else category, are a few randoms and the small little no space for anything tables they put stupidly in coffee shops, not really saving any space no matter what kind of three chair set up they use around it.  But mostly their are moms, or that's what I have assumed from their nature, their look, their walks, what they were all doing here at once. at least a dozen of them all walked in the door at once, and spent over ten minutes trying to reconfigure half the shop so they could all sit with each other and not leave anyone out. they are actually on their way out now, and the noise level has reduced by half, and the shop is inching closer to the emptiness I found when I first got here. I guess 7pm is a busy time for coffee, but 6:40 was dead. I got a night way different than expected hear.but this is what happens at the local starbucks. Changes by the second, as is life. Peace.

PS: When i come to starbucks at night I order Caramel Apple Spice, not coffee. :P

Sam