Sunday, July 10, 2016
Sweet girl.
My post is short and sweet today. Extra sweet like the Koogle and banana bread I made this lovely Sunday. Note to self, and the world, adding Koogle to my list of Jewish food adventures. Onto other news...
I am in love. Sighs. She is genorous. She is brave. She is sweet. And I love her.
Peace.
I am in love. Sighs. She is genorous. She is brave. She is sweet. And I love her.
Peace.
Sunday, March 6, 2016
The Library, The Queer, and the Book.
Hey look! I'm promoting a website and a book! (not mine, cool ones in which I envy because I will never be that cool). So please don't judge for the promos, only love please.
So today I went to a website called thehairpin.com. you can read more about them and explore all the goodies they have here http://thehairpin.com/about/ They are a website created for women, and when looking at the logo I vaguely remember seeing it before, so maybe I've stumbled across one of there articles before, who knows. Anyways cute site with decent interesting independent articles.
So how did I get there? It all started yesterday at the library, I was making a very quick run to drop off my things that were due and renew a book I had not finished. I had things to do, places to be, unfortunately I did not have an hour to go meandering for something new to read. in and out I said. Well as I couldn't help myself, I justified 5 minutes of looking at the small shelves of "new" books up by the front, just the fiction and non fiction and if nothing caught my eye right away I would leave. I mean its right next to the book return, had to pass it by anyways. So low and behold, I came across a book called "Ask a queer chick" and I swear it was in my hand before my brain even finished processing the title. Maybe I just need a giant neon sign over my head that flashes "queer" right here, here I am. But in the exact opposite sense, I was cautious. I opened the book before I thought anyone around me even saw the cover. Now I am for the most part an out a proud lady, but I am also conscious of my surroundings. I'm not going to purposefully expose myself is an unsafe or unknown place if its not necessary. Now if i was with a partner, and she or he wanted to hold my hand, I wouldn't deny them that right, I would be thrilled. however I believe that they would also understand the possible dangers of certain places.
So you think, public library, little old ladies, children, ect, how in the world could that be a bad place? Well i'm not saying it is. My towns local library is safe space for a lot of people especially in terms of things like getting away from violence, and access to a computer outside of school. However the Waukegan public library may get me some judgement. the town I live in is to my knowledge not the most LGBT friendly. (On a brighter note the larger area in which I live is friendly, and I would feel comfortable walking with a partner or kissing at any of the local malls.) So when it came to the library, I was cautious to say the least. I pondered for a brief second whether or not to even check out the book. I decided to get it on a whim, as then I would be out of the library and on my way faster, I held the book to my side cover side down, consciously walked over to the self check out instead of going up to the nice ladies at the front. I usually check out media, which requires the ladies at the front desk to de-sensor them but even when i haven't had media, if they are not busy I will check out with them. I carefully and quickly scanned the book, hoping the family next to me with wondering eyed pre-teens at the other self check out computer was not paying attention. Then slipped the book into my library bag hoping no one saw the cover.
And this whole thing got my brain going, and i started writing this post in my head yesterday in the car, because I was so intrigued at the way I had just acted. Let me also point out, and this is a big point: This was the first time I've ever per my memory checked out a queer book from a public library. Ever other LGBTQ book in my collection was either given to me by a friend, purchased for school (yes my college had classes on queer, cool right?) or purchased on amazon where even if the name of the amazon store had been "queers'r'us" (made-up) I truly believe the mailman has better things to do with his time. Oh and I should include pflag meetings, some Pflag chapters have a mini collection of books that you can borrow (mine does), very useful! Guess I forgot the promo for pflag above. But back to the library. It wasn't only the people around me that seemed so public, but I didn't even want the librarian to know, even though I have knowledge that most librarians are trained to be non judgmental and must respect all books/writings, even if its something they don't like or agree with. Writing is freedom and with that comes a lot of opinions.
I had to remind myself that its not only me that's like this. It reminded me of a story a friend in college told me. He said it was one of the best things at our school, that because of the liberal environment we felt we could check out anything we wanted from the school library without judgement. He told me that at his highschool, kids didn't want to check out queer books or even "different" books because of judgement. I wasn't sure if it was the judgement form librarians or peers, or if maybe parents could see there school accounts. I think they also didn't want to carry those books through the library. He told me one librarian set up a system, where she would check out materials under her name or she would get a book from the shelf for a student and hold it at her desk for them to check out when they came in. It was all secretive, and it touched my heart a bit that she was simply trying to help make students feel safe, and possibly actually keep them safe.
Maybe public libraries just feel to public for us. I hope that this will change one day. And maybe I myself will learn to be a little more confident next time. I forgot to mention that i am proud of the Waukegan public library for displaying a queer book in there new book section! :)
"Ask a queer chick" by Lindsay King-Miller, is a really cute read! I've already read the first 3 chapters since yesterday. Lindsay King-Miller is the author of the advice column, "ask a queer chick" on Hairpin.com. Told you it all connected! https://twitter.com/AskAQueerChick
Peace
So today I went to a website called thehairpin.com. you can read more about them and explore all the goodies they have here http://thehairpin.com/about/ They are a website created for women, and when looking at the logo I vaguely remember seeing it before, so maybe I've stumbled across one of there articles before, who knows. Anyways cute site with decent interesting independent articles.
So how did I get there? It all started yesterday at the library, I was making a very quick run to drop off my things that were due and renew a book I had not finished. I had things to do, places to be, unfortunately I did not have an hour to go meandering for something new to read. in and out I said. Well as I couldn't help myself, I justified 5 minutes of looking at the small shelves of "new" books up by the front, just the fiction and non fiction and if nothing caught my eye right away I would leave. I mean its right next to the book return, had to pass it by anyways. So low and behold, I came across a book called "Ask a queer chick" and I swear it was in my hand before my brain even finished processing the title. Maybe I just need a giant neon sign over my head that flashes "queer" right here, here I am. But in the exact opposite sense, I was cautious. I opened the book before I thought anyone around me even saw the cover. Now I am for the most part an out a proud lady, but I am also conscious of my surroundings. I'm not going to purposefully expose myself is an unsafe or unknown place if its not necessary. Now if i was with a partner, and she or he wanted to hold my hand, I wouldn't deny them that right, I would be thrilled. however I believe that they would also understand the possible dangers of certain places.
So you think, public library, little old ladies, children, ect, how in the world could that be a bad place? Well i'm not saying it is. My towns local library is safe space for a lot of people especially in terms of things like getting away from violence, and access to a computer outside of school. However the Waukegan public library may get me some judgement. the town I live in is to my knowledge not the most LGBT friendly. (On a brighter note the larger area in which I live is friendly, and I would feel comfortable walking with a partner or kissing at any of the local malls.) So when it came to the library, I was cautious to say the least. I pondered for a brief second whether or not to even check out the book. I decided to get it on a whim, as then I would be out of the library and on my way faster, I held the book to my side cover side down, consciously walked over to the self check out instead of going up to the nice ladies at the front. I usually check out media, which requires the ladies at the front desk to de-sensor them but even when i haven't had media, if they are not busy I will check out with them. I carefully and quickly scanned the book, hoping the family next to me with wondering eyed pre-teens at the other self check out computer was not paying attention. Then slipped the book into my library bag hoping no one saw the cover.
And this whole thing got my brain going, and i started writing this post in my head yesterday in the car, because I was so intrigued at the way I had just acted. Let me also point out, and this is a big point: This was the first time I've ever per my memory checked out a queer book from a public library. Ever other LGBTQ book in my collection was either given to me by a friend, purchased for school (yes my college had classes on queer, cool right?) or purchased on amazon where even if the name of the amazon store had been "queers'r'us" (made-up) I truly believe the mailman has better things to do with his time. Oh and I should include pflag meetings, some Pflag chapters have a mini collection of books that you can borrow (mine does), very useful! Guess I forgot the promo for pflag above. But back to the library. It wasn't only the people around me that seemed so public, but I didn't even want the librarian to know, even though I have knowledge that most librarians are trained to be non judgmental and must respect all books/writings, even if its something they don't like or agree with. Writing is freedom and with that comes a lot of opinions.
I had to remind myself that its not only me that's like this. It reminded me of a story a friend in college told me. He said it was one of the best things at our school, that because of the liberal environment we felt we could check out anything we wanted from the school library without judgement. He told me that at his highschool, kids didn't want to check out queer books or even "different" books because of judgement. I wasn't sure if it was the judgement form librarians or peers, or if maybe parents could see there school accounts. I think they also didn't want to carry those books through the library. He told me one librarian set up a system, where she would check out materials under her name or she would get a book from the shelf for a student and hold it at her desk for them to check out when they came in. It was all secretive, and it touched my heart a bit that she was simply trying to help make students feel safe, and possibly actually keep them safe.
Maybe public libraries just feel to public for us. I hope that this will change one day. And maybe I myself will learn to be a little more confident next time. I forgot to mention that i am proud of the Waukegan public library for displaying a queer book in there new book section! :)
"Ask a queer chick" by Lindsay King-Miller, is a really cute read! I've already read the first 3 chapters since yesterday. Lindsay King-Miller is the author of the advice column, "ask a queer chick" on Hairpin.com. Told you it all connected! https://twitter.com/AskAQueerChick
Peace
Sunday, February 28, 2016
18 hours, cholent
Google: cho·lent
ˈCHôlənt,ˈCHəl-/
noun
A Jewish Sabbath dish of slowly baked meat and vegetables, prepared on a Friday and cooked overnight.
Urban dictionary: cholent
An Ashkenazi food that looks like mush. It strongly resembles feces, but it taste heavenly.
mmmmmmmm........... that cholent smells so orgasmic
Heres a before and after to prove the point (no reeses or boos were included):
Heres a before and after to prove the point (no reeses or boos were included):
Growing up a reform jewish girl (emphasis on the very reform, culture only) I knew what cholent was, and it was a staple at every high holiday...the ones we actually attended. Now whether or not I ate it, as a picky eater, was another story. So the memory of it isn't strong, but I'm reminded of it every time I'm around my jewish relatives for any length of time. It came into my life again right after college, and I just graduated, and had moved in with my grandparents who are religious Jews who celebrate sabbath every week. (Please don't be offended by any misuse of wording or labeling). They ALWAYS had cholent in the house, and some there main purpose in life being grandparents was to feed me, I LIVED ON CHOLENT. Now after that year, it fell by the wayside once more, as I was reveling in the variety of food choices I had forgotten about while living there.
So what do you say prompted me to learn a jewish right of passage per say and learn to make cholent this weekend? No other than one of the other 4 (including myself) jewish coworkers at work. At this point we are a weird possy. But put any jewish person in a room with another jewish person, and you will be talking about food in 60 seconds flat, guaranteed. As soon as he said the word cholent, delicious memories of that year came back, and it was all I wanted. So here it is, my first ever attempt at cholent.
My first attempt has the major no-no's. I used canned beans. Clearly it's doomed. And I cooked in a slow cooker aka crock pot (this no no is iffy). I can only judge by taste, and it's not perfect but my first attempt tastes pretty close amazing with a side of home and love. I'll let the flavors warm me for the next week.
Recipe I made up after looking online
1/2 - 1 pound your favorite meat (I used chuck roast)
1 carton beef stock
2 cans (or equivalent) your favorite beans*
2-3 cups barley
1 onion
1 1/2 cup carrots chopped
3 medium red potatoes
Add any other veggies you like
Salt, pepper, garlic, onion powder, paprika, turmeric, cumin, **
Chop anything that needs chopping, drain and wash beans, and throw everything into the crock pot. Cook on high setting for 3 hours (if your crock pots really strong you can make it 2 hours) then low setting overnight (I cooked on low for 15 hours, for 18 hours total)
*if using fresh/dry beans, soak first (look that up!) and you may need to add water to the stock so you don't have crunchy beans.
**use whichever spices or combo there of you like.
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Gun-shy
Gun-shy
Lead the way she says as you open the door
Show me how she says as her boots hit the floor
As you lead her away and she takes it all in
You look in her eyes and she looks end to end
Her arm stiffens tight, but her fingers will pry
She can’t pull the trigger, or make bullets fly
You try to show her, a dozen or so times
But you can’t explain it, fear in your own eyes
How sweet it is
To hold her hand tight as she clutches yours
You watch her spin, spin through the world
And just when she tells you she can’t do no more
You watch her wonder, your little gun-shy girl
She hold the parts, you point out the pieces
It’s pretty rough, she thinks you make it look easy
What she doesn’t know is your putting up a fight
She takes a fancy, and holds the barrel tight
How sweet it is
To hold her hand tight as she clutches yours
You watch her spin, spin through the world
And just when she tells you she can’t do no more
You watch her wonder, your little gun-shy girl
As she lets it go, pushed back into you,
We hang on tight, as we start something new
- You watch her wonder, your little gun-shy girl.
Sunday, December 13, 2015
jump
Jump. Jumping. Jumpy. I feel jumpy a lot, Sometimes from my anxiety, but sometimes in a good way. but I'm always looking to jump, im always jumping right on the train to the next thing. Ive spent a lot of time in the last year reflecting on my life so far and making ever effort to be in the moment, live in the moment. it part of a very contradictory personality. on the one side, i'm a true gemini, i love the experience of things, everything stimulates me and it promotes that "in the moment" way of things. On the other hand, im a type A personality with an anxiety disorder. I worry. a lot. and think about the future. a lot. it wasnt a month after i moved into this apartment and i was aready thinking about where I would be next year, because i want to move to the west coast? but is that so bad? can't there be a balance? I think I'm very conflicted this fall. parts of my life are so perfect. i love my job, and i like my roomate. very "right now" things that are good. on the other hand i don't like living where i live (not the town, just northern illinois as a whole). so it makes me think about how do i change it? I've got a long hard road ahead of me next year, with 2016 being only three weeks away but im trying not to dwell on it, I think for right now, i will enjoy the warm holiday smell of homemade chex mix my roomate so kindly made and enjoy a nice christmas movie.
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Dating, part -1 (negative 1)
Why is dating so complicated? maybe when its complicated its not right? I also truly believe I'm making it complicated. Some people just want simple, and maybe I don't know how to do that. I understand I am very type A personality, I don't like last minute, i don't like not knowing, and its frustrating when its not obvious. It's a challenge that, on my good days, I love it. But on my bad days I can't deal.
I think i am also very scared of simple. The last time I did simple, no definition, go with the flow, it almost destroyed me. And it had a lot to do with that particular person, that person almost destroyed me, and people who knew both of us would agree. I'm to blame for some of it yes, and I was in no place, a bad place, to be doing that kind of thing.
There' one girl in particular I can't figure out for the life of me. She scares me. I need to realize that shes not the "person" from my past. She wants simple. and it scares me.
At this point that one may have fizzled out anyways, I hope not, I'm definitely still interested, I just don't know if she is. I may have screwed it up with mislead intentions...woops.
But then again can't we make our own rules? just to have companionship, and a cuddle buddy, and be there for each other every once in a while when we need someone? In theory, that sounds amazing to me, but what happens when only one person wants more? I don't know if outside of theory, I could actually handle it. one part of my brain says hell yes, and the other says hell no. I want that kind of friendship/relationship back so badly, but is it good for me?
writing has helped, I needed to tell someone and I feel like I have no one to tell. no one to scream at that I am fucking lost. I'm an honest dater, and you get 100% me all the time. However, the "me" you get can change weekly or daily,that comes with the territory, and I don't try to hide it.
I want someone who can deal with ALL OF THAT, and still just be my cuddle buddy, with movies and kisses and hugs and maybe nothing more? we will get to that later. If you deal with me part time, you still have to deal with all of me. Sorry not sorry for keeping it real.
I think i am also very scared of simple. The last time I did simple, no definition, go with the flow, it almost destroyed me. And it had a lot to do with that particular person, that person almost destroyed me, and people who knew both of us would agree. I'm to blame for some of it yes, and I was in no place, a bad place, to be doing that kind of thing.
There' one girl in particular I can't figure out for the life of me. She scares me. I need to realize that shes not the "person" from my past. She wants simple. and it scares me.
At this point that one may have fizzled out anyways, I hope not, I'm definitely still interested, I just don't know if she is. I may have screwed it up with mislead intentions...woops.
But then again can't we make our own rules? just to have companionship, and a cuddle buddy, and be there for each other every once in a while when we need someone? In theory, that sounds amazing to me, but what happens when only one person wants more? I don't know if outside of theory, I could actually handle it. one part of my brain says hell yes, and the other says hell no. I want that kind of friendship/relationship back so badly, but is it good for me?
writing has helped, I needed to tell someone and I feel like I have no one to tell. no one to scream at that I am fucking lost. I'm an honest dater, and you get 100% me all the time. However, the "me" you get can change weekly or daily,that comes with the territory, and I don't try to hide it.
I want someone who can deal with ALL OF THAT, and still just be my cuddle buddy, with movies and kisses and hugs and maybe nothing more? we will get to that later. If you deal with me part time, you still have to deal with all of me. Sorry not sorry for keeping it real.
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Monday, July 13, 2015
free write
Free write:
So I like you? I don't know you, i don't know anyone, do we know anyone? I don't know what i am thinking half the time. lets face it all of the time. I can't think straight.
life is changing life is flying I am on a roller coaster that keeps going up and I'm still waiting for the fall, waiting for the fear. fear is such a powerful thing it takes over you. even when life runs over it with a semi truck, its still there, no matter how much good, how much great, my world is entirely optimistic, and yet? i am scared shitless. something is wrong. something is always wrong
life is not this good, its not this perfect ever. my life is a hot mess of perfect is that possible? its no, it not, its just no! a big fat no. Theres shit, iImean theres always shit, and its still theres in the corner, being dealt with on occasion. But you cant stay in the corner all the time? you have to explore the room, every inch, sap up everything.I swear I'm thinking faster than I can type mind is racing faster and faster all the time but not in a way I'm familar with. this is not my illness, I don't recognize this, this life is not something i have knowledge of annd some part of me does not want to learn how to navigate it. It wants to stay in bed but that doesn't make time stand still does it? doesnt matter if your standing still or running, time always got us. This time, this thing, or multiple things, are not anything I know how to run with. I run and I'm out of breath, I don't run and the winds knocked out of me anyways. what is this? new is what it is, everything is always new, yet somehow very much the same. I don't want to fall into old habits, newness can make me break away from anything that came before. I burn bridges better than the devil himself sometimes.
but everything can be merged, everything doesn't have to be separate, why do i compartmentalize my life? to control it? well thats been going well for the last 24 years. you can't control it. being careful and being safe are completely different things, yet so intertwined its like dividing a single strand of hair. is this ok, am i allowed this?
I'm allowed to like you. I can handle it. I just need to let go.
So I like you? I don't know you, i don't know anyone, do we know anyone? I don't know what i am thinking half the time. lets face it all of the time. I can't think straight.
life is changing life is flying I am on a roller coaster that keeps going up and I'm still waiting for the fall, waiting for the fear. fear is such a powerful thing it takes over you. even when life runs over it with a semi truck, its still there, no matter how much good, how much great, my world is entirely optimistic, and yet? i am scared shitless. something is wrong. something is always wrong
life is not this good, its not this perfect ever. my life is a hot mess of perfect is that possible? its no, it not, its just no! a big fat no. Theres shit, iImean theres always shit, and its still theres in the corner, being dealt with on occasion. But you cant stay in the corner all the time? you have to explore the room, every inch, sap up everything.I swear I'm thinking faster than I can type mind is racing faster and faster all the time but not in a way I'm familar with. this is not my illness, I don't recognize this, this life is not something i have knowledge of annd some part of me does not want to learn how to navigate it. It wants to stay in bed but that doesn't make time stand still does it? doesnt matter if your standing still or running, time always got us. This time, this thing, or multiple things, are not anything I know how to run with. I run and I'm out of breath, I don't run and the winds knocked out of me anyways. what is this? new is what it is, everything is always new, yet somehow very much the same. I don't want to fall into old habits, newness can make me break away from anything that came before. I burn bridges better than the devil himself sometimes.
but everything can be merged, everything doesn't have to be separate, why do i compartmentalize my life? to control it? well thats been going well for the last 24 years. you can't control it. being careful and being safe are completely different things, yet so intertwined its like dividing a single strand of hair. is this ok, am i allowed this?
I'm allowed to like you. I can handle it. I just need to let go.
Monday, May 25, 2015
personal ad
follow me on the instragram I rarely use... :P
https://instagram.com/sekulse/
or my twitter. https://twitter.com/
peace
https://instagram.com/sekulse/
or my twitter. https://twitter.com/
peace
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Being sick sucks.....
....However I am being surprisingly productive. Since my only option is to be in bed doing nothing, I've gotten quite a bit done on my computer. stupid fucking boring life shit. Usually my weekends are a break form the computer and technology. But my laptop and netflix have been my stupid colds best friend. typing also helps since my voice was obliterated at work on friday.
So i have a sever cold, and its a doosy.You can ask anyone, i never admit I'm sick, ever. I rarely get sick for that matter. though it was april, im golden, i made it through midwestern winter without even the smallest cold or virus then.....bam. last thursday I started coughing on the way home from work (around 6pm). by the time i went to bed my throat hurt, my head hurt, i couldn't breathe when i laid down and i was coughing up a storm. It was late, and i looked in the bathroom and the kitchen and everywhere my mom keeps medicine, and nada! no cold medicine! Seriously? every kind of tums, allergy releif, and leftover antibiotics gallore, but i could not find the cold medicine. I had an epipheny and knew exactly where it was, in HER bathroom. But i wasn't going to wake her.
She really is a safe mom in that way, my little bro-albeit he would never do something like take meds-is only 14.
I settled for my own antihistemine that would temporarily make me breathe so i could sleep (sort of) and went and bought cold medicine before work on friday and sludged through the day. And now my entire weekend has been trying to rest and get better. I hate it. I hate being sick. I hate not having the choice but to be here. its partly because its nice out (spring!) and the sunshine is calling me, and partly because being forced to lay here and deal with shit in my life is anxiety provoking. but we all got to do it.
So besides my remedy of cold medicine, rest, tea, and fluids. any other cures for bad colds/chest congestion? even for next time would love to here.
peace
Sam
So i have a sever cold, and its a doosy.You can ask anyone, i never admit I'm sick, ever. I rarely get sick for that matter. though it was april, im golden, i made it through midwestern winter without even the smallest cold or virus then.....bam. last thursday I started coughing on the way home from work (around 6pm). by the time i went to bed my throat hurt, my head hurt, i couldn't breathe when i laid down and i was coughing up a storm. It was late, and i looked in the bathroom and the kitchen and everywhere my mom keeps medicine, and nada! no cold medicine! Seriously? every kind of tums, allergy releif, and leftover antibiotics gallore, but i could not find the cold medicine. I had an epipheny and knew exactly where it was, in HER bathroom. But i wasn't going to wake her.
She really is a safe mom in that way, my little bro-albeit he would never do something like take meds-is only 14.
I settled for my own antihistemine that would temporarily make me breathe so i could sleep (sort of) and went and bought cold medicine before work on friday and sludged through the day. And now my entire weekend has been trying to rest and get better. I hate it. I hate being sick. I hate not having the choice but to be here. its partly because its nice out (spring!) and the sunshine is calling me, and partly because being forced to lay here and deal with shit in my life is anxiety provoking. but we all got to do it.
So besides my remedy of cold medicine, rest, tea, and fluids. any other cures for bad colds/chest congestion? even for next time would love to here.
peace
Sam
Saturday, April 4, 2015
9 months later....
haha, that would have been even funnier on April 1st. so no i'm not pregnant and don't plan to be anytime soon! but in the future, lots of kids! :). In fact ive been single the past 9 months.
Sooooo lately I've been craving the writing, yearning for it, but my motivation somehow wouldn't allow me the time. in our world, when you work on a computer all day, the last thing you want to do when you get home is start up your computer......
last few months have been uneventful. I got a real job, although Im still a contract worker (temp to hire), I am treated with respect, and people are normal, were I make at least close to a living. moneys being saved, debt payed down. I moved back home, and I'm going to move again this summer.
But lately i just need to talk, scream, shout, cry and talk some more! i needed to write. even when in this im technically talking to no one. and everyone. all at the same time. online world
I don't where this journey that is life is going to take me, I am just rolling with it. or at least trying to. it been a hard winter. I still feel as though there is a lot on my plate, even though the abuse of my old job was behind me. I still feel like im going to fail everyday. I see other temp workers get fired, albeit for legitimate reasons, and even though my boos and my agency continually tell me im meeting my goals and doing everything right, I am so scared of not being ok again. not sure how i'm paying my bills. I am scared of finances, even though in 9 months I managed to pay off all credit cards accept one. I'm turning 24 and im still very scared of the real world. I always have a place to stay with family, but my family is not a financial safety net, they haven't been in a long time. its not there faults, although in my opinion some things about both my parents (they are dovorced) situations could be changed, yet they choose not to and as there daughter I have to respect that. I get mixed messages, my mom can't stand me one minute, and the next is begging me to stay, I am moving out soonish for both our sanity, and because ive created my own safety net. I have savings, and although small its more than most people my age can say for themselves, and it could get me by for 3 months if i lost my job. I SHOULD FEEL SAFE, yet I dont. I know so many other people my age (and beyond) feel these same things. it not just money, it health insurance, its work its making other people happy. I NEED TO KEEP MAKING ME HAPPY. its something I continually struggle with. I know it. I think it. I live it sometimes, but not enough of the time.
I am attempting to make healthy steps. in the fall i was in survival mode. The winter it was the where do i go from here mode. and maybe a slight bout of depression. Spring has brought me insight to do the things that are right for me. I have given up my non profit work, for now, until something else catches my heart. Im thinking next will be rescue cats.....just a thought. I considered getting a second very very part time job, and was even offered one by a friend, but remembered to say no to something i could not give 100% to. I have changed my relationships, making adult decisions not to keep people around that keep me in the past, and bring me down. I realized that i am a classic american, addicted to stuff. ive slowly made changes to declutter the stuff that doesn't make me happy.
I may have said a lot of this stuff before, and many of my posts are downers. life happens, we have to accept it and move on. i keep attempting to live every day with no regrets,
there is more to come soon my dears, lots more i want, need, to say.
peace.
Sooooo lately I've been craving the writing, yearning for it, but my motivation somehow wouldn't allow me the time. in our world, when you work on a computer all day, the last thing you want to do when you get home is start up your computer......
last few months have been uneventful. I got a real job, although Im still a contract worker (temp to hire), I am treated with respect, and people are normal, were I make at least close to a living. moneys being saved, debt payed down. I moved back home, and I'm going to move again this summer.
But lately i just need to talk, scream, shout, cry and talk some more! i needed to write. even when in this im technically talking to no one. and everyone. all at the same time. online world
I don't where this journey that is life is going to take me, I am just rolling with it. or at least trying to. it been a hard winter. I still feel as though there is a lot on my plate, even though the abuse of my old job was behind me. I still feel like im going to fail everyday. I see other temp workers get fired, albeit for legitimate reasons, and even though my boos and my agency continually tell me im meeting my goals and doing everything right, I am so scared of not being ok again. not sure how i'm paying my bills. I am scared of finances, even though in 9 months I managed to pay off all credit cards accept one. I'm turning 24 and im still very scared of the real world. I always have a place to stay with family, but my family is not a financial safety net, they haven't been in a long time. its not there faults, although in my opinion some things about both my parents (they are dovorced) situations could be changed, yet they choose not to and as there daughter I have to respect that. I get mixed messages, my mom can't stand me one minute, and the next is begging me to stay, I am moving out soonish for both our sanity, and because ive created my own safety net. I have savings, and although small its more than most people my age can say for themselves, and it could get me by for 3 months if i lost my job. I SHOULD FEEL SAFE, yet I dont. I know so many other people my age (and beyond) feel these same things. it not just money, it health insurance, its work its making other people happy. I NEED TO KEEP MAKING ME HAPPY. its something I continually struggle with. I know it. I think it. I live it sometimes, but not enough of the time.
I am attempting to make healthy steps. in the fall i was in survival mode. The winter it was the where do i go from here mode. and maybe a slight bout of depression. Spring has brought me insight to do the things that are right for me. I have given up my non profit work, for now, until something else catches my heart. Im thinking next will be rescue cats.....just a thought. I considered getting a second very very part time job, and was even offered one by a friend, but remembered to say no to something i could not give 100% to. I have changed my relationships, making adult decisions not to keep people around that keep me in the past, and bring me down. I realized that i am a classic american, addicted to stuff. ive slowly made changes to declutter the stuff that doesn't make me happy.
I may have said a lot of this stuff before, and many of my posts are downers. life happens, we have to accept it and move on. i keep attempting to live every day with no regrets,
there is more to come soon my dears, lots more i want, need, to say.
peace.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Summer, sunny, short, and sweet
Summer time is my favorite time of year. Don't ask me why. I have curly hair that says "fuck you" every year when the humidity rolls around; I look horrible in pastels, and best in jewel tones or brighter, deeper colors; and I am terrified of almost all bugs and insects. But on the other hand I love warm weather (I am always cold), and the vitamin D definitely helps my mood. I love being outside. I just love summer.
Its been a short one this year, with summer getting a late start in the midwest due to a very long winter where snow carried well into spring. I've tried to take advantage of every sunny day though, at least in some way, going for bike rides, going to the beach, or simply walking or lounging in the sun.
Now onto the sweet part. watermelon, ice cream, and fruity cocktails, yum.
However parts of my summer have not been so sweet. I lost my job, of which in the long run I appreciate because I was miserable there. There are things about the last year of my life that i wish i could have done differently, but I do not regret them. I have a new job, which starts in September, and feel i will be much happier.
So as the second half of summer comes around the bend thing are looking much sweeter!
See you at the beach Summer Sunnies!
Peace.
Sam
Its been a short one this year, with summer getting a late start in the midwest due to a very long winter where snow carried well into spring. I've tried to take advantage of every sunny day though, at least in some way, going for bike rides, going to the beach, or simply walking or lounging in the sun.
Now onto the sweet part. watermelon, ice cream, and fruity cocktails, yum.
However parts of my summer have not been so sweet. I lost my job, of which in the long run I appreciate because I was miserable there. There are things about the last year of my life that i wish i could have done differently, but I do not regret them. I have a new job, which starts in September, and feel i will be much happier.
So as the second half of summer comes around the bend thing are looking much sweeter!
See you at the beach Summer Sunnies!
Peace.
Sam
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Getting back to the fight!
This Holiday season boldly reminded me that giving back is in my nature, and that the last time I did anything non profit was summer (yikes!). So I got back to work, back to advocacy, and back to the fight!
People are right when they say that networking really pays off. Once I put my mind in the right spot to find non profit opportunities, I found out my second cousin (Someone I've known since childhood) is on the board of NCJW, or the National Council of Jewish Women, Chicago North Shore Chapter. Now I just don't go willy nilly fighting for any cause, but it just so happens that many of the things this organization stands for are things I already support, just with a Jewish twist. Oh did you all forget that i am Jewish? :P Check them out here http://ncjwcns.org/.
They are this amazing liberal organization that supports women and children, tackling everything from domestic violence, to environmental issues, community service to kids programs, and poverty to Jewish holidays. I mean, it covers a wide niche, and has a place for a lot of people including me. However, whenever an organization has a religious or cultural twist, I am always skeptical, but after reading and talking with my cousin about it, it had most of the things I was looking for, and I was very excited to help.
So here I am, currently volunteering a few hours a week for my cousin to help with some organizational and administrative tasks. A message for everyone is that if you reach out to groups like these, they will find an opportunity that works for you, whether that is a one time event or a long term commitment.
Also in the works is a possible volunteering gig for an arts organization.......crossing my fingers!
This season, find time to give back and support your passions!
People are right when they say that networking really pays off. Once I put my mind in the right spot to find non profit opportunities, I found out my second cousin (Someone I've known since childhood) is on the board of NCJW, or the National Council of Jewish Women, Chicago North Shore Chapter. Now I just don't go willy nilly fighting for any cause, but it just so happens that many of the things this organization stands for are things I already support, just with a Jewish twist. Oh did you all forget that i am Jewish? :P Check them out here http://ncjwcns.org/.
They are this amazing liberal organization that supports women and children, tackling everything from domestic violence, to environmental issues, community service to kids programs, and poverty to Jewish holidays. I mean, it covers a wide niche, and has a place for a lot of people including me. However, whenever an organization has a religious or cultural twist, I am always skeptical, but after reading and talking with my cousin about it, it had most of the things I was looking for, and I was very excited to help.
So here I am, currently volunteering a few hours a week for my cousin to help with some organizational and administrative tasks. A message for everyone is that if you reach out to groups like these, they will find an opportunity that works for you, whether that is a one time event or a long term commitment.
Also in the works is a possible volunteering gig for an arts organization.......crossing my fingers!
This season, find time to give back and support your passions!
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Caramel Apple Spice
the girl next to me goes back and fourth, back and fourth, between sounding eerily like a girl who has had a huge fight with her friend sitting diagonally from her in a triangle of three, where anger and manipulation are the key tones, and then turns into a sweet, advice giving person, laughing with her best friend. It doesn't help that she, appearing the strongest personality or the entirely dominant of the three, is talking in 40 percent english, and 60 percent something I dont understand, so its not spanish or english. The other two are much better at dividing their conversations, they finish each sentence at least in one language before switching to the other. They are literally practically on top of me, as I am in a corner in a soft leather lounger, part of a set of four, two facing the other two, and they took one and turned it to make a triangle. Here is a diagram for your reference, excuse my windows paint skills.
So don't take any of this negatively, I dont mind these women, or anyone else here for that matter. As you may well know I find human behavior, especially in public places fascinating. In a way I love these women for inspiring this blog post as a stream of my surroundings.
On the contrary completely, the table far in front of (above) me are two beautiful women, I am assuming students because of the work that they are doing, being very polite and quiet with their laptops lightly chatting and one was even skyping, but quiet to the point that I couldn't hear what she was saying. They are both wearing hjabs, another grouping of culture I know nothing about.
In the everyone else category, are a few randoms and the small little no space for anything tables they put stupidly in coffee shops, not really saving any space no matter what kind of three chair set up they use around it. But mostly their are moms, or that's what I have assumed from their nature, their look, their walks, what they were all doing here at once. at least a dozen of them all walked in the door at once, and spent over ten minutes trying to reconfigure half the shop so they could all sit with each other and not leave anyone out. they are actually on their way out now, and the noise level has reduced by half, and the shop is inching closer to the emptiness I found when I first got here. I guess 7pm is a busy time for coffee, but 6:40 was dead. I got a night way different than expected hear.but this is what happens at the local starbucks. Changes by the second, as is life. Peace.
PS: When i come to starbucks at night I order Caramel Apple Spice, not coffee. :P
Sam
So don't take any of this negatively, I dont mind these women, or anyone else here for that matter. As you may well know I find human behavior, especially in public places fascinating. In a way I love these women for inspiring this blog post as a stream of my surroundings.
On the contrary completely, the table far in front of (above) me are two beautiful women, I am assuming students because of the work that they are doing, being very polite and quiet with their laptops lightly chatting and one was even skyping, but quiet to the point that I couldn't hear what she was saying. They are both wearing hjabs, another grouping of culture I know nothing about.
In the everyone else category, are a few randoms and the small little no space for anything tables they put stupidly in coffee shops, not really saving any space no matter what kind of three chair set up they use around it. But mostly their are moms, or that's what I have assumed from their nature, their look, their walks, what they were all doing here at once. at least a dozen of them all walked in the door at once, and spent over ten minutes trying to reconfigure half the shop so they could all sit with each other and not leave anyone out. they are actually on their way out now, and the noise level has reduced by half, and the shop is inching closer to the emptiness I found when I first got here. I guess 7pm is a busy time for coffee, but 6:40 was dead. I got a night way different than expected hear.but this is what happens at the local starbucks. Changes by the second, as is life. Peace.
PS: When i come to starbucks at night I order Caramel Apple Spice, not coffee. :P
Sam
Monday, October 28, 2013
Let ramble into Halloween shall we?
Oh hi there? been a while hasn't it. yeah well life's got me busy. working full time kicks my butt some times. I feel like i used to do so much more, I was in school full time, and usually working 20-30 hours a week, plus about another 10-15 hours of community and organizational work. lets just say four years f college, burnt me out just as much as it changed and inspired me. I feel like soon I will get to a point where I catch a balance and enjoy parts of life. Money's tight however, doing a job that I love, so once I also balance my finances, I will feel more comfortable going out and having a little fun. don't get me wrong, I still see friends (does two count?) but we just hang out or get coffee, or hanging out revolves around driving one said person to work when she oversleeps. but then we always blast the music, fight about how shes putting to much makeup on, and end with a "get out, your going to make me late for work, love you bye". Life is treating me exceptionally well for the most part. My grandparents have graciously let me stay with them, and when I am actually home before 10 at night, feed me amazing, home-cooked Jewish food that I remember from my childhood. believe me I'm watching myself before I gain 10 pounds. However they keep kosher, and I spend so many meals at work that I usually by about half my own groceries for lunches and dinners and keep and eat them there.And that way I can have cheese on my turkey sandwich.
My trusty handy best and worst rustbucket that ever happened to me, my nissan truck, finally went kuput this summer, (I may have mentioned this), forcing me to take on a car payment. An unexpected but welcome and gratefully amazing change. My air works. My heat works. It doesnt go clunk. I am lucky if i have to fill the tank once a week. All compliments here. The newness to me still hasnt worn yet. Its useful, and oh so fun.
Mentioning fun, I hope you all will be having a fantastical week celebrating Halloween. Its one of my favorite holidays. I know a lot of people (adults and kids alike) went out over the weekend, and I hope it was hip hop and happening, with lots of sweets to nibble and nosh on. However boring and cheap me didn't go out to any bar parties or anything last Saturday night, but don't worry I got tricks up my sleeve for Thursday! My best friend and I are dressing up together, with her going as Fran Fyne from The Nanny (TV show), and me going as Val (Fran's best friend). We went all out, wigs and vintage clothes, and a skit being prepared in character to greet the trick or treaters. After all the afternoon goodies are given out, we plan to go to dinner in character, and make people laugh there socks off. Pictures will be posted, don't you worry.
Plans, Planning, and being Planned. All things on my to do list, how about yours? Happy Halloween, and as always, Peace.
Sam
My trusty handy best and worst rustbucket that ever happened to me, my nissan truck, finally went kuput this summer, (I may have mentioned this), forcing me to take on a car payment. An unexpected but welcome and gratefully amazing change. My air works. My heat works. It doesnt go clunk. I am lucky if i have to fill the tank once a week. All compliments here. The newness to me still hasnt worn yet. Its useful, and oh so fun.
Mentioning fun, I hope you all will be having a fantastical week celebrating Halloween. Its one of my favorite holidays. I know a lot of people (adults and kids alike) went out over the weekend, and I hope it was hip hop and happening, with lots of sweets to nibble and nosh on. However boring and cheap me didn't go out to any bar parties or anything last Saturday night, but don't worry I got tricks up my sleeve for Thursday! My best friend and I are dressing up together, with her going as Fran Fyne from The Nanny (TV show), and me going as Val (Fran's best friend). We went all out, wigs and vintage clothes, and a skit being prepared in character to greet the trick or treaters. After all the afternoon goodies are given out, we plan to go to dinner in character, and make people laugh there socks off. Pictures will be posted, don't you worry.
Plans, Planning, and being Planned. All things on my to do list, how about yours? Happy Halloween, and as always, Peace.
Sam
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
#Doma #Prop8 #SCOTUS
Yup those were the three most popular tags on twitter at least at one point this morning. And for the first time there was not a "tell your (insert politician here) to tell the supreme court to rule on....."
That to me was so exciting. I now know that in my lifetime I will be able to get married. I now know that I am valued to the country I live in.
Now I know these decisions will not have that many immediate effects. What it does is say that any state that has approved or will approve same sex marriages can't take it back, ever. And yes DOMA is officially dead. We have the desicion around PROP 8 to thank for this, and in a weird way we must thank prop 8 itself. If prop 8 had never happened, (as horrible as it was), the constitutional debate over same sex marriage would have never entered the legal arena to the scale that it did. However, in today's decision, there is nothing given down that says that the fed govt or the states that don't have SS marriages, have to have them. There is not going to be a law (yet) that forces them too. I feel that the video below definitely explains it right in saying that it sets a moral standard for the entire country that are marriages should be allowed and recognized, but does not technically force any legal change in states that don't have it.
That leads me to the other decision. People in states that do not have ss marriages are going to continue the fight to have there state laws change, and although the moral example the supreme court has set will help their cases, that alone sadly will not win them. However what I believe will help them win the cases is the Tax Desicion. In the next one or two year, or however much time is legally needed to change it, same sex couples who are married in states that allow their marriages will now be allowed to file joint tax returns and receive all equal federal benefits as a hetero couple. In short, the federal govt has to recognize all same sex marriages. The question lies is it fair/constitutional to deny those tax benefits to couples (although unmarried) in other states? (obviously I believe its wrong, but I alone am not going to change the governor of Mississippi's mind).
So that my shpeal/opinion/explanation. I am happy. I am ecstatic. But there is of course still more work to be done. However I believe it will get done a lot faster than previously anticipated because of these decisions. So enjoy NBC's analysis that I have found I believe does it justice and explains it in a way that is understandable. Peace -Sam
That to me was so exciting. I now know that in my lifetime I will be able to get married. I now know that I am valued to the country I live in.
Now I know these decisions will not have that many immediate effects. What it does is say that any state that has approved or will approve same sex marriages can't take it back, ever. And yes DOMA is officially dead. We have the desicion around PROP 8 to thank for this, and in a weird way we must thank prop 8 itself. If prop 8 had never happened, (as horrible as it was), the constitutional debate over same sex marriage would have never entered the legal arena to the scale that it did. However, in today's decision, there is nothing given down that says that the fed govt or the states that don't have SS marriages, have to have them. There is not going to be a law (yet) that forces them too. I feel that the video below definitely explains it right in saying that it sets a moral standard for the entire country that are marriages should be allowed and recognized, but does not technically force any legal change in states that don't have it.
That leads me to the other decision. People in states that do not have ss marriages are going to continue the fight to have there state laws change, and although the moral example the supreme court has set will help their cases, that alone sadly will not win them. However what I believe will help them win the cases is the Tax Desicion. In the next one or two year, or however much time is legally needed to change it, same sex couples who are married in states that allow their marriages will now be allowed to file joint tax returns and receive all equal federal benefits as a hetero couple. In short, the federal govt has to recognize all same sex marriages. The question lies is it fair/constitutional to deny those tax benefits to couples (although unmarried) in other states? (obviously I believe its wrong, but I alone am not going to change the governor of Mississippi's mind).
So that my shpeal/opinion/explanation. I am happy. I am ecstatic. But there is of course still more work to be done. However I believe it will get done a lot faster than previously anticipated because of these decisions. So enjoy NBC's analysis that I have found I believe does it justice and explains it in a way that is understandable. Peace -Sam
Friday, June 21, 2013
OUTSpoken: a call for LGBTQ voices
Hello Lovelies! Not that this reaches much of an audience, but I'm still going to talk about what I want to talk about, and that is OUTSpoken, an event about mental health and the LGBTQ community. But before I get to my awkward promo, I want to take a moment to tell you why this is especially so important to me.
1. I'm queer, we aaaaaalllll know that. (<3 all, but esp women)
2. I deal with mental health issues and have been surrounded by others who deal with mental health issues almost my entire life. I have OCD (heavy on the anxiety) and a probable case of Bipolar disorder (if you don't know, I was diagnosed when I was 10) where after 12 years I still have days where I don't believe it, and other days where I'm like "oh yeah, definitely bipolar" (or some variation).
These two things are only a part of my life, they don't define my entire self. However whats important to know is that I saw these as two completely separate until well into my sophomore year of college. Whether I like it or not, in small ways one effects the other and vise versa, and it makes my situation even more unique. for instance:
My psychiatrist is a 75 year old, very old school kind of guy. Not someone I especially like opening up to. He is nice and all, I got stuck with him after my last hospitalization a few years back, and he listens to what I say if I need a dosage change in my meds, which is a major PLUS. Would it be helpful if he knew about my my personal life more? Maybe! I don't know because I've never had the chance to figure that one out. (obviously I know it would be more important for say a therapist to know, of which currently I am not seeing anyone because my insurance SUCKS. with a capitol S. and I'm brooooooookkkkeee).
And that is just one reason why mental health among the LGBTQ population needs to be talked about more, so that mental health professionals can be informed and educated, and there can be more options for us, and we can be comfortable talking to any professional.
On a slightly different note YOUR STORY can help change someones life. When I entered college, I very quickly had a great support system for the gay/queer part of my life. But with the mental health stuff, I felt trapped, like I could talk to no one, except the counselor at counseling services who I saw religiously every week my freshmen year. Even though eventually I found some people I could talk to, I still felt separated from my pride friends because I couldn't tell them, even though I knew they would probably super understanding. All it took was for one girl from pride to share her struggle with depression with m, after she sensed that something was off with me ( I was having a bad week at the time). Seriously just one person saying I know what your going through, I went through something similar is so important and life changing.
After that, I decided that enough was enough, and I wasn't going to hide anything anymore. I wasn't going to compartmentalize my life anymore, which is what many people who face the double stigma do.
So mental health issues need to be talked about. GLBTQ rights need to be talked about. They also need to be talked about together. So come to OUTSpoken; a call for LGBTQ voices, and come share your story!
OUTSpoken
Performance and Workshop
Monday 6/24
6pm, Center on Halsted, (Theater, 3rd floor)
Free or pay what you can, register here (or just come)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=VXkhzhmhUzk
Facebook event here https://www.facebook.com/events/390523301053780/?fref=ts
Sponsored by Erasing the Distance, watch the video to learn what ETD does:
Peace -Sam
1. I'm queer, we aaaaaalllll know that. (<3 all, but esp women)
2. I deal with mental health issues and have been surrounded by others who deal with mental health issues almost my entire life. I have OCD (heavy on the anxiety) and a probable case of Bipolar disorder (if you don't know, I was diagnosed when I was 10) where after 12 years I still have days where I don't believe it, and other days where I'm like "oh yeah, definitely bipolar" (or some variation).
These two things are only a part of my life, they don't define my entire self. However whats important to know is that I saw these as two completely separate until well into my sophomore year of college. Whether I like it or not, in small ways one effects the other and vise versa, and it makes my situation even more unique. for instance:
My psychiatrist is a 75 year old, very old school kind of guy. Not someone I especially like opening up to. He is nice and all, I got stuck with him after my last hospitalization a few years back, and he listens to what I say if I need a dosage change in my meds, which is a major PLUS. Would it be helpful if he knew about my my personal life more? Maybe! I don't know because I've never had the chance to figure that one out. (obviously I know it would be more important for say a therapist to know, of which currently I am not seeing anyone because my insurance SUCKS. with a capitol S. and I'm brooooooookkkkeee).
And that is just one reason why mental health among the LGBTQ population needs to be talked about more, so that mental health professionals can be informed and educated, and there can be more options for us, and we can be comfortable talking to any professional.
On a slightly different note YOUR STORY can help change someones life. When I entered college, I very quickly had a great support system for the gay/queer part of my life. But with the mental health stuff, I felt trapped, like I could talk to no one, except the counselor at counseling services who I saw religiously every week my freshmen year. Even though eventually I found some people I could talk to, I still felt separated from my pride friends because I couldn't tell them, even though I knew they would probably super understanding. All it took was for one girl from pride to share her struggle with depression with m, after she sensed that something was off with me ( I was having a bad week at the time). Seriously just one person saying I know what your going through, I went through something similar is so important and life changing.
After that, I decided that enough was enough, and I wasn't going to hide anything anymore. I wasn't going to compartmentalize my life anymore, which is what many people who face the double stigma do.
So mental health issues need to be talked about. GLBTQ rights need to be talked about. They also need to be talked about together. So come to OUTSpoken; a call for LGBTQ voices, and come share your story!
OUTSpoken
Performance and Workshop
Monday 6/24
6pm, Center on Halsted, (Theater, 3rd floor)
Free or pay what you can, register here (or just come)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=VXkhzhmhUzk
Facebook event here https://www.facebook.com/events/390523301053780/?fref=ts
Sponsored by Erasing the Distance, watch the video to learn what ETD does:
Peace -Sam
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Song of the Week
Song of the week, just a short post keeping it true with everyone. Love is love its all the same. Enough said.
Peace -Sam
Peace -Sam
Monday, June 3, 2013
Lesbian Films
So I have realized lately that I am semi short on friends who I can talk to regarding certain subjects. We all have those friends, the foodie who is the first person you think of when you find a great recipe or want to go to a new restaurant. Or the friend that you go to when you need advice, because they love to give advice. I mean yes we hang out with these people at other times and for other reasons too, but you know what I mean. Anyways so I feel like (well I know) I used to have one or two friends that I would talk to about lesbian culture, or at least conversations surrounding "that girls hot" and the other person would completely understand, because they were um lesbians, lezbe honest. :) I mean I actually have a good number of gay guy friends, of which I can talk about a whole range of general GLBTQ topics and they'll be happy to chat lightly. However as soon as I bring up a girl (except for the one bi guy), girl problems, lesbians, women, vaginas or anything related to any of those there all like "ew gross, peace out, I got other people to talk to"
Anywho, I've lost touch with a few people over the last year, year and a half, and I watch this film tonight, about lesbians, and I am racking my brain. I gots no lesbian whose gonna wanna listen to me talk about it, or that I am close enough to to tell about it or have that type of conversation without it being akward. So here I am telling you all instead, and if any les or bi girl reads this, feel free to comment ;)
So back to the film, it's called Molly's Girl, came out back in 2011, nothing mainstream, just something I came across under Netflix's Gay and Lesbian Movies section. To be honest, I really was in the mood to watch like a sappy romantic lesbian love story, albeit there are not very many to choose from on netflix, and this film was not really that at all, but I took a gamble. I recognized one of the actresses names, Kristina Valada-Viars but couldn't figure out where I knew it from. it took me a good seven minutes at least of watching this girl before I figured it out. I met her! I could not believe I had met her. Back in early 2012, I went and saw her in a play at the Steppenwolf (for which I truly appreciated her role, it was very good! Play "Time Stands Still") and then I got to meet her when she came and talked to my arts seminar class. Now mind you, there were 5 total students in the class, so I was not staring at a guest lecturer, no we had actual conversations simply about life. I'm a theater girl myself and I don't know why it was so hard for me to make the connection simply because it crossed the line from theater to film. I had only known her in the theater context, and I believe she is pretty successful there, so it didn't cross my mind. I'm glad I did remember though, because it only made me like her acting and her as an actress more. The film, I'd say its cute, its somewhere between okay and good in my book, but thats mostly related to the plot being ehhh. maybe its because it wasn't satisfying what I was in the mood for, and I would have enjoyed it more otherwise. However, I really did like her acting and she made it funny and more enjoyable the way her and the other main character played off each other.
So it wasn't even really that I wanted to gush about her or her acting in a lesbian way I guess. She is very pretty, but in the same way I think many other celebrities and actresses are pretty. It's more that I got stupidly excited over the fact that I had met an actress in a movie I was watching, a professional movie. I mean wouldn't anyone get excited about that? and on top of that it was a lesbian film which just makes it all the more exciting, at least to me. So there's my gush. If you go see any shows in Chicago and happen to catch this girl on stage, your lucky and in for a treat.
Peace - Sam
Anywho, I've lost touch with a few people over the last year, year and a half, and I watch this film tonight, about lesbians, and I am racking my brain. I gots no lesbian whose gonna wanna listen to me talk about it, or that I am close enough to to tell about it or have that type of conversation without it being akward. So here I am telling you all instead, and if any les or bi girl reads this, feel free to comment ;)
So back to the film, it's called Molly's Girl, came out back in 2011, nothing mainstream, just something I came across under Netflix's Gay and Lesbian Movies section. To be honest, I really was in the mood to watch like a sappy romantic lesbian love story, albeit there are not very many to choose from on netflix, and this film was not really that at all, but I took a gamble. I recognized one of the actresses names, Kristina Valada-Viars but couldn't figure out where I knew it from. it took me a good seven minutes at least of watching this girl before I figured it out. I met her! I could not believe I had met her. Back in early 2012, I went and saw her in a play at the Steppenwolf (for which I truly appreciated her role, it was very good! Play "Time Stands Still") and then I got to meet her when she came and talked to my arts seminar class. Now mind you, there were 5 total students in the class, so I was not staring at a guest lecturer, no we had actual conversations simply about life. I'm a theater girl myself and I don't know why it was so hard for me to make the connection simply because it crossed the line from theater to film. I had only known her in the theater context, and I believe she is pretty successful there, so it didn't cross my mind. I'm glad I did remember though, because it only made me like her acting and her as an actress more. The film, I'd say its cute, its somewhere between okay and good in my book, but thats mostly related to the plot being ehhh. maybe its because it wasn't satisfying what I was in the mood for, and I would have enjoyed it more otherwise. However, I really did like her acting and she made it funny and more enjoyable the way her and the other main character played off each other.
So it wasn't even really that I wanted to gush about her or her acting in a lesbian way I guess. She is very pretty, but in the same way I think many other celebrities and actresses are pretty. It's more that I got stupidly excited over the fact that I had met an actress in a movie I was watching, a professional movie. I mean wouldn't anyone get excited about that? and on top of that it was a lesbian film which just makes it all the more exciting, at least to me. So there's my gush. If you go see any shows in Chicago and happen to catch this girl on stage, your lucky and in for a treat.
Peace - Sam
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