Hey look! I'm promoting a website and a book! (not mine, cool ones in which I envy because I will never be that cool). So please don't judge for the promos, only love please.
So today I went to a website called thehairpin.com. you can read more about them and explore all the goodies they have here http://thehairpin.com/about/ They are a website created for women, and when looking at the logo I vaguely remember seeing it before, so maybe I've stumbled across one of there articles before, who knows. Anyways cute site with decent interesting independent articles.
So how did I get there? It all started yesterday at the library, I was making a very quick run to drop off my things that were due and renew a book I had not finished. I had things to do, places to be, unfortunately I did not have an hour to go meandering for something new to read. in and out I said. Well as I couldn't help myself, I justified 5 minutes of looking at the small shelves of "new" books up by the front, just the fiction and non fiction and if nothing caught my eye right away I would leave. I mean its right next to the book return, had to pass it by anyways. So low and behold, I came across a book called "Ask a queer chick" and I swear it was in my hand before my brain even finished processing the title. Maybe I just need a giant neon sign over my head that flashes "queer" right here, here I am. But in the exact opposite sense, I was cautious. I opened the book before I thought anyone around me even saw the cover. Now I am for the most part an out a proud lady, but I am also conscious of my surroundings. I'm not going to purposefully expose myself is an unsafe or unknown place if its not necessary. Now if i was with a partner, and she or he wanted to hold my hand, I wouldn't deny them that right, I would be thrilled. however I believe that they would also understand the possible dangers of certain places.
So you think, public library, little old ladies, children, ect, how in the world could that be a bad place? Well i'm not saying it is. My towns local library is safe space for a lot of people especially in terms of things like getting away from violence, and access to a computer outside of school. However the Waukegan public library may get me some judgement. the town I live in is to my knowledge not the most LGBT friendly. (On a brighter note the larger area in which I live is friendly, and I would feel comfortable walking with a partner or kissing at any of the local malls.) So when it came to the library, I was cautious to say the least. I pondered for a brief second whether or not to even check out the book. I decided to get it on a whim, as then I would be out of the library and on my way faster, I held the book to my side cover side down, consciously walked over to the self check out instead of going up to the nice ladies at the front. I usually check out media, which requires the ladies at the front desk to de-sensor them but even when i haven't had media, if they are not busy I will check out with them. I carefully and quickly scanned the book, hoping the family next to me with wondering eyed pre-teens at the other self check out computer was not paying attention. Then slipped the book into my library bag hoping no one saw the cover.
And this whole thing got my brain going, and i started writing this post in my head yesterday in the car, because I was so intrigued at the way I had just acted. Let me also point out, and this is a big point: This was the first time I've ever per my memory checked out a queer book from a public library. Ever other LGBTQ book in my collection was either given to me by a friend, purchased for school (yes my college had classes on queer, cool right?) or purchased on amazon where even if the name of the amazon store had been "queers'r'us" (made-up) I truly believe the mailman has better things to do with his time. Oh and I should include pflag meetings, some Pflag chapters have a mini collection of books that you can borrow (mine does), very useful! Guess I forgot the promo for pflag above. But back to the library. It wasn't only the people around me that seemed so public, but I didn't even want the librarian to know, even though I have knowledge that most librarians are trained to be non judgmental and must respect all books/writings, even if its something they don't like or agree with. Writing is freedom and with that comes a lot of opinions.
I had to remind myself that its not only me that's like this. It reminded me of a story a friend in college told me. He said it was one of the best things at our school, that because of the liberal environment we felt we could check out anything we wanted from the school library without judgement. He told me that at his highschool, kids didn't want to check out queer books or even "different" books because of judgement. I wasn't sure if it was the judgement form librarians or peers, or if maybe parents could see there school accounts. I think they also didn't want to carry those books through the library. He told me one librarian set up a system, where she would check out materials under her name or she would get a book from the shelf for a student and hold it at her desk for them to check out when they came in. It was all secretive, and it touched my heart a bit that she was simply trying to help make students feel safe, and possibly actually keep them safe.
Maybe public libraries just feel to public for us. I hope that this will change one day. And maybe I myself will learn to be a little more confident next time. I forgot to mention that i am proud of the Waukegan public library for displaying a queer book in there new book section! :)
"Ask a queer chick" by Lindsay King-Miller, is a really cute read! I've already read the first 3 chapters since yesterday. Lindsay King-Miller is the author of the advice column, "ask a queer chick" on Hairpin.com. Told you it all connected! https://twitter.com/AskAQueerChick
Peace
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