haha, that would have been even funnier on April 1st. so no i'm not pregnant and don't plan to be anytime soon! but in the future, lots of kids! :). In fact ive been single the past 9 months.
Sooooo lately I've been craving the writing, yearning for it, but my motivation somehow wouldn't allow me the time. in our world, when you work on a computer all day, the last thing you want to do when you get home is start up your computer......
last few months have been uneventful. I got a real job, although Im still a contract worker (temp to hire), I am treated with respect, and people are normal, were I make at least close to a living. moneys being saved, debt payed down. I moved back home, and I'm going to move again this summer.
But lately i just need to talk, scream, shout, cry and talk some more! i needed to write. even when in this im technically talking to no one. and everyone. all at the same time. online world
I don't where this journey that is life is going to take me, I am just rolling with it. or at least trying to. it been a hard winter. I still feel as though there is a lot on my plate, even though the abuse of my old job was behind me. I still feel like im going to fail everyday. I see other temp workers get fired, albeit for legitimate reasons, and even though my boos and my agency continually tell me im meeting my goals and doing everything right, I am so scared of not being ok again. not sure how i'm paying my bills. I am scared of finances, even though in 9 months I managed to pay off all credit cards accept one. I'm turning 24 and im still very scared of the real world. I always have a place to stay with family, but my family is not a financial safety net, they haven't been in a long time. its not there faults, although in my opinion some things about both my parents (they are dovorced) situations could be changed, yet they choose not to and as there daughter I have to respect that. I get mixed messages, my mom can't stand me one minute, and the next is begging me to stay, I am moving out soonish for both our sanity, and because ive created my own safety net. I have savings, and although small its more than most people my age can say for themselves, and it could get me by for 3 months if i lost my job. I SHOULD FEEL SAFE, yet I dont. I know so many other people my age (and beyond) feel these same things. it not just money, it health insurance, its work its making other people happy. I NEED TO KEEP MAKING ME HAPPY. its something I continually struggle with. I know it. I think it. I live it sometimes, but not enough of the time.
I am attempting to make healthy steps. in the fall i was in survival mode. The winter it was the where do i go from here mode. and maybe a slight bout of depression. Spring has brought me insight to do the things that are right for me. I have given up my non profit work, for now, until something else catches my heart. Im thinking next will be rescue cats.....just a thought. I considered getting a second very very part time job, and was even offered one by a friend, but remembered to say no to something i could not give 100% to. I have changed my relationships, making adult decisions not to keep people around that keep me in the past, and bring me down. I realized that i am a classic american, addicted to stuff. ive slowly made changes to declutter the stuff that doesn't make me happy.
I may have said a lot of this stuff before, and many of my posts are downers. life happens, we have to accept it and move on. i keep attempting to live every day with no regrets,
there is more to come soon my dears, lots more i want, need, to say.
peace.
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Summer, sunny, short, and sweet
Summer time is my favorite time of year. Don't ask me why. I have curly hair that says "fuck you" every year when the humidity rolls around; I look horrible in pastels, and best in jewel tones or brighter, deeper colors; and I am terrified of almost all bugs and insects. But on the other hand I love warm weather (I am always cold), and the vitamin D definitely helps my mood. I love being outside. I just love summer.
Its been a short one this year, with summer getting a late start in the midwest due to a very long winter where snow carried well into spring. I've tried to take advantage of every sunny day though, at least in some way, going for bike rides, going to the beach, or simply walking or lounging in the sun.
Now onto the sweet part. watermelon, ice cream, and fruity cocktails, yum.
However parts of my summer have not been so sweet. I lost my job, of which in the long run I appreciate because I was miserable there. There are things about the last year of my life that i wish i could have done differently, but I do not regret them. I have a new job, which starts in September, and feel i will be much happier.
So as the second half of summer comes around the bend thing are looking much sweeter!
See you at the beach Summer Sunnies!
Peace.
Sam
Its been a short one this year, with summer getting a late start in the midwest due to a very long winter where snow carried well into spring. I've tried to take advantage of every sunny day though, at least in some way, going for bike rides, going to the beach, or simply walking or lounging in the sun.
Now onto the sweet part. watermelon, ice cream, and fruity cocktails, yum.
However parts of my summer have not been so sweet. I lost my job, of which in the long run I appreciate because I was miserable there. There are things about the last year of my life that i wish i could have done differently, but I do not regret them. I have a new job, which starts in September, and feel i will be much happier.
So as the second half of summer comes around the bend thing are looking much sweeter!
See you at the beach Summer Sunnies!
Peace.
Sam
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Getting back to the fight!
This Holiday season boldly reminded me that giving back is in my nature, and that the last time I did anything non profit was summer (yikes!). So I got back to work, back to advocacy, and back to the fight!
People are right when they say that networking really pays off. Once I put my mind in the right spot to find non profit opportunities, I found out my second cousin (Someone I've known since childhood) is on the board of NCJW, or the National Council of Jewish Women, Chicago North Shore Chapter. Now I just don't go willy nilly fighting for any cause, but it just so happens that many of the things this organization stands for are things I already support, just with a Jewish twist. Oh did you all forget that i am Jewish? :P Check them out here http://ncjwcns.org/.
They are this amazing liberal organization that supports women and children, tackling everything from domestic violence, to environmental issues, community service to kids programs, and poverty to Jewish holidays. I mean, it covers a wide niche, and has a place for a lot of people including me. However, whenever an organization has a religious or cultural twist, I am always skeptical, but after reading and talking with my cousin about it, it had most of the things I was looking for, and I was very excited to help.
So here I am, currently volunteering a few hours a week for my cousin to help with some organizational and administrative tasks. A message for everyone is that if you reach out to groups like these, they will find an opportunity that works for you, whether that is a one time event or a long term commitment.
Also in the works is a possible volunteering gig for an arts organization.......crossing my fingers!
This season, find time to give back and support your passions!
People are right when they say that networking really pays off. Once I put my mind in the right spot to find non profit opportunities, I found out my second cousin (Someone I've known since childhood) is on the board of NCJW, or the National Council of Jewish Women, Chicago North Shore Chapter. Now I just don't go willy nilly fighting for any cause, but it just so happens that many of the things this organization stands for are things I already support, just with a Jewish twist. Oh did you all forget that i am Jewish? :P Check them out here http://ncjwcns.org/.
They are this amazing liberal organization that supports women and children, tackling everything from domestic violence, to environmental issues, community service to kids programs, and poverty to Jewish holidays. I mean, it covers a wide niche, and has a place for a lot of people including me. However, whenever an organization has a religious or cultural twist, I am always skeptical, but after reading and talking with my cousin about it, it had most of the things I was looking for, and I was very excited to help.
So here I am, currently volunteering a few hours a week for my cousin to help with some organizational and administrative tasks. A message for everyone is that if you reach out to groups like these, they will find an opportunity that works for you, whether that is a one time event or a long term commitment.
Also in the works is a possible volunteering gig for an arts organization.......crossing my fingers!
This season, find time to give back and support your passions!
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Caramel Apple Spice
the girl next to me goes back and fourth, back and fourth, between sounding eerily like a girl who has had a huge fight with her friend sitting diagonally from her in a triangle of three, where anger and manipulation are the key tones, and then turns into a sweet, advice giving person, laughing with her best friend. It doesn't help that she, appearing the strongest personality or the entirely dominant of the three, is talking in 40 percent english, and 60 percent something I dont understand, so its not spanish or english. The other two are much better at dividing their conversations, they finish each sentence at least in one language before switching to the other. They are literally practically on top of me, as I am in a corner in a soft leather lounger, part of a set of four, two facing the other two, and they took one and turned it to make a triangle. Here is a diagram for your reference, excuse my windows paint skills.
So don't take any of this negatively, I dont mind these women, or anyone else here for that matter. As you may well know I find human behavior, especially in public places fascinating. In a way I love these women for inspiring this blog post as a stream of my surroundings.
On the contrary completely, the table far in front of (above) me are two beautiful women, I am assuming students because of the work that they are doing, being very polite and quiet with their laptops lightly chatting and one was even skyping, but quiet to the point that I couldn't hear what she was saying. They are both wearing hjabs, another grouping of culture I know nothing about.
In the everyone else category, are a few randoms and the small little no space for anything tables they put stupidly in coffee shops, not really saving any space no matter what kind of three chair set up they use around it. But mostly their are moms, or that's what I have assumed from their nature, their look, their walks, what they were all doing here at once. at least a dozen of them all walked in the door at once, and spent over ten minutes trying to reconfigure half the shop so they could all sit with each other and not leave anyone out. they are actually on their way out now, and the noise level has reduced by half, and the shop is inching closer to the emptiness I found when I first got here. I guess 7pm is a busy time for coffee, but 6:40 was dead. I got a night way different than expected hear.but this is what happens at the local starbucks. Changes by the second, as is life. Peace.
PS: When i come to starbucks at night I order Caramel Apple Spice, not coffee. :P
Sam
So don't take any of this negatively, I dont mind these women, or anyone else here for that matter. As you may well know I find human behavior, especially in public places fascinating. In a way I love these women for inspiring this blog post as a stream of my surroundings.
On the contrary completely, the table far in front of (above) me are two beautiful women, I am assuming students because of the work that they are doing, being very polite and quiet with their laptops lightly chatting and one was even skyping, but quiet to the point that I couldn't hear what she was saying. They are both wearing hjabs, another grouping of culture I know nothing about.
In the everyone else category, are a few randoms and the small little no space for anything tables they put stupidly in coffee shops, not really saving any space no matter what kind of three chair set up they use around it. But mostly their are moms, or that's what I have assumed from their nature, their look, their walks, what they were all doing here at once. at least a dozen of them all walked in the door at once, and spent over ten minutes trying to reconfigure half the shop so they could all sit with each other and not leave anyone out. they are actually on their way out now, and the noise level has reduced by half, and the shop is inching closer to the emptiness I found when I first got here. I guess 7pm is a busy time for coffee, but 6:40 was dead. I got a night way different than expected hear.but this is what happens at the local starbucks. Changes by the second, as is life. Peace.
PS: When i come to starbucks at night I order Caramel Apple Spice, not coffee. :P
Sam
Monday, October 28, 2013
Let ramble into Halloween shall we?
Oh hi there? been a while hasn't it. yeah well life's got me busy. working full time kicks my butt some times. I feel like i used to do so much more, I was in school full time, and usually working 20-30 hours a week, plus about another 10-15 hours of community and organizational work. lets just say four years f college, burnt me out just as much as it changed and inspired me. I feel like soon I will get to a point where I catch a balance and enjoy parts of life. Money's tight however, doing a job that I love, so once I also balance my finances, I will feel more comfortable going out and having a little fun. don't get me wrong, I still see friends (does two count?) but we just hang out or get coffee, or hanging out revolves around driving one said person to work when she oversleeps. but then we always blast the music, fight about how shes putting to much makeup on, and end with a "get out, your going to make me late for work, love you bye". Life is treating me exceptionally well for the most part. My grandparents have graciously let me stay with them, and when I am actually home before 10 at night, feed me amazing, home-cooked Jewish food that I remember from my childhood. believe me I'm watching myself before I gain 10 pounds. However they keep kosher, and I spend so many meals at work that I usually by about half my own groceries for lunches and dinners and keep and eat them there.And that way I can have cheese on my turkey sandwich.
My trusty handy best and worst rustbucket that ever happened to me, my nissan truck, finally went kuput this summer, (I may have mentioned this), forcing me to take on a car payment. An unexpected but welcome and gratefully amazing change. My air works. My heat works. It doesnt go clunk. I am lucky if i have to fill the tank once a week. All compliments here. The newness to me still hasnt worn yet. Its useful, and oh so fun.
Mentioning fun, I hope you all will be having a fantastical week celebrating Halloween. Its one of my favorite holidays. I know a lot of people (adults and kids alike) went out over the weekend, and I hope it was hip hop and happening, with lots of sweets to nibble and nosh on. However boring and cheap me didn't go out to any bar parties or anything last Saturday night, but don't worry I got tricks up my sleeve for Thursday! My best friend and I are dressing up together, with her going as Fran Fyne from The Nanny (TV show), and me going as Val (Fran's best friend). We went all out, wigs and vintage clothes, and a skit being prepared in character to greet the trick or treaters. After all the afternoon goodies are given out, we plan to go to dinner in character, and make people laugh there socks off. Pictures will be posted, don't you worry.
Plans, Planning, and being Planned. All things on my to do list, how about yours? Happy Halloween, and as always, Peace.
Sam
My trusty handy best and worst rustbucket that ever happened to me, my nissan truck, finally went kuput this summer, (I may have mentioned this), forcing me to take on a car payment. An unexpected but welcome and gratefully amazing change. My air works. My heat works. It doesnt go clunk. I am lucky if i have to fill the tank once a week. All compliments here. The newness to me still hasnt worn yet. Its useful, and oh so fun.
Mentioning fun, I hope you all will be having a fantastical week celebrating Halloween. Its one of my favorite holidays. I know a lot of people (adults and kids alike) went out over the weekend, and I hope it was hip hop and happening, with lots of sweets to nibble and nosh on. However boring and cheap me didn't go out to any bar parties or anything last Saturday night, but don't worry I got tricks up my sleeve for Thursday! My best friend and I are dressing up together, with her going as Fran Fyne from The Nanny (TV show), and me going as Val (Fran's best friend). We went all out, wigs and vintage clothes, and a skit being prepared in character to greet the trick or treaters. After all the afternoon goodies are given out, we plan to go to dinner in character, and make people laugh there socks off. Pictures will be posted, don't you worry.
Plans, Planning, and being Planned. All things on my to do list, how about yours? Happy Halloween, and as always, Peace.
Sam
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