Sunday=Blog Day? How did this happen?

So I realized I've become boring, or at least the way I do my blog posts have. I gues I've been so busy this city keeps your mind going going going and then all the sudden bam! It's Sunday, and all of the things I didn't think about or do during the past week creep up on you, and so hence, this is usually the first second I get time to remember I even have a blog.

I blog whens its needed for me, and sometimes it's not as needed. I could still be going through a lot of stuff, especially emotional stuff, but I just didn't use blogging as an outlet.

I think I am also overly concerned about my blog, and I realize I have way to many posts (including this one) about posting on my blog, not posting, apologizing dfor ebing 3 weeks absent, ect. so here is my oath: I Sam, will no longer blog for more than one sentence ever again about how often or when I blog.

Okay, now on to the good stuff:

So this past week I have felt like a whirlwind in the ocean, constantly drowning but never getting anywhere, always staying in that middle zone. So much work was collapsed on top of me, that I kept getting behind or at least feeling like I was getting behind. I even just skipped a paper assignment because I was just so exhausted and didn't have the time.

But somehow that usual anxiety I get has not set in to much. usually I get such horrible feelings about large amount of work that I have to get done that I just avoid doing them. Maybe its because I've been taking my meds better, or idk even know, but seeing as I spent 7 hours yesterday taking photographs all over Chicago and didn't even get halfway done (I was expecting to get most of it done), I was expecting to feel different this morning. I am going to go with the good feelings, but whenever somethings different I have to question it.

I know I will get caught up at some point, so I'll just keep trudging along until then. For those who might read this and be future Chicago Program Students, don't let the beginning of the semester fool you! Much of the work on this program is non traditional, and it's a pretty slow start in the beginning, but honestly in the middle and end of the semesters you are doing more work than you could ever imagine. On the other hand it's completely worth it because you are doing work that you love. When I go to bed exhausted ever night, I never think "thank god that's over" like I might at school, I think instead, I can't wait for tomorrow! Peace.

Is this real?

Is it really February? Am I really living in Chicago? Did I really just break up with my girlfriend? Did my life really just flip upside down?

I mean its all good right? well maybe not some parts, but for the most part change is good, yes?

Anyways, I get to see my new permanent (well at least for this semester) apartment today! I don't get to move in yet but since I'm a student worker we have to go around to all the apartments and take inventory and clean and stuff. Its not so bad, especially since I have my partner in cleaning crime Emily. haha. I'm just super excited to see what it looks like!

This semester , although I'm anticipating it to be hard, will also be so much fun for me. I am embracing this semi fresh start here, and I already know that I can't wait for graduation so I can move back to this amazing city. This city is definitely real I know that much. Peace.

Out of Order

Life is strange sometimes, and its very hard to watch a part of someone's life become so completely messed were it feels like there's no return. Everyone always says, "oh my life is such a mess right now" but when are our lives not messy? Even when you have order in your life its never perfect. There's always something going on that's different than the normal or out of routine. For me, order is a godsend and a curse. Routines, schedules, and patterns, as boring as they all sound I know are good for me and help me get through life a bit better. Problem is, they are to hard to keep up with. My life tends to have a general outline but never anything strict or rigid. When things become to routine for me something out of the routine will throw me off and sometimes affect me negatively when it really shouldn't. I like structure but I also like freedom and its a hard balance.

Its winter break right now and its especially hard for me in this time of year because I don't really have a routine. no classes or homework. 2 of my 3 jobs were based at my school so the only thing i have is 1 part time job maybe 3 days a week if I'm lucky. I am no doubt finding ways to fill my time, but the not having to wake up at the same time everyday, although thoroughly enjoyable, affects the way my head works sometimes.

But all this freedom and time has let me handle life's newest curve ball with ease; moving to Chicago. There are simply so many things to think about! Who's coming with me in my drive to Chicago and to help me move in and take my car back? If one person goes its less help, and if two people go less room in my truck. My mom won't drive in the city but wants to come anyways? Do I borrow my friends truck cause it has more room? Do I buy my grocery's before I leave because the taxes and prices in general are higher in cook county than in Lake county or Mchenry county? groceries again means less room in my truck. Will my job transfer at the Gap go through on time? Will keeping my job at a company I love still work out with the rigorousness of the program I'm embarking on? Should I stop worrying about when I'll here back from ACM about every email I send and checking it obsessively? What's it going to be like without my truck, aka my baby and the one thing I have to my name? Do I really have enough money to do this and have I planned well enough?

Well technically I'm still in the process of planning but I like to have things decided sometimes so I know what to expect. Other times I enjoy surprises and the unknown, but generally this doesn't apply with school, because I can tell you for sure that I don't enjoy writing surprise essays.

As for break, my life may seem a bit out of order in my mind, possibly a complete mess, but I'm trying to keep it all together and stay focused on the goal of getting to live in this amazing city for a few months. All the little details will get figured out even if at the last minute, for which I am hoping not. I hope I'm not the only one with all of these things running through my head. I am definitely ready for the new routine that Chicago will bring me. Peace.