I just need to keep breathing and I will make it through. Always. I mean, literally you have to keep breathing to keep yourself alive, but figuratively as well. The stress and pressure just builds and builds and when finally a little bit is released you feel so relieved. And oh how I need to continually remind myself that it will be ok. And how other remind me of that in unexpected ways. Like when my professor hands back that paper I wrote at the very last minute that was 1 page short on length and I should of spent way more time on and still managed to get a B. Or even when my friend gets into the program she applies for and I am so happy for her. Through the stress of frustrating people who don't answer your emails and send you the wrong documents, those other things remind me that things do work out. Space. Air. Breathing. Lots of deep breathing. And then time goes by in a flash. This semester is almost over and a completely new adventure will be beginning next spring.
Mentioning spring, the over enthusiasm and excitement that abounds me is intense. Sometimes I look forward to change a little bit too much. My unconsciously high expectations consistently lead to disappointment. Again breathing. Calming myself down. Making sure that I know that I might not get that internship I want. In fact is highly likely that I won't even with encouragement from people who think I would be a great candidate for it. stay positive. But not too positive. Literally and figuratively, balance is something I lack sometimes. Ok more like all the time. not to much good or bad, pos or neg, high or low. My moods, my health, my fam, my life? It can be an unbalanced mess but somehow its all work out eventually, one way or another. Well maybe not my moods. I think I've come to realize that I can't control my moods but rather work with them. And that goes for most things in my life. Letting go of the control. Breathing. The balance comes more naturally if you work with things instead of against them, but that is entirely easier said than done, since our human brains naturally want to work against many things. but not breathing. You have to work to fight against breathing. Don't do that. just breathe. Peace.