An apology thats not an apology that is an apology

I'm sorry world, but I cannot constantly be sorry. I can't continuously be apologetic for things that aren't my fault. I'm sick of feeling guilty and I am sick of having my mind in dissonance (the benefits of a psychology vocabulary!). I make decisions for me and only me and I am not influenced by anyone else and their biased opinions. If you don't like those decisions that's your problem, not mine. I try not to take sides. I try to be a good friend, although I suck at it. I have also stopped trying to please others at the expense of my self happiness, although I'm still working on this one. I know this sometimes makes others unhappy but again not my problem. I know I sound like a botch but here's something that might make up for that. When it comes to the happiness and safety of a child who is in important in my life, that is the only exception. Again I won't go so far as to sacrifice myself, but my decisions may change to better benefit someone else and not just me alone. The life of a child matters so much more to me than many other things in life.

Today, I am mostly sorry to my father. I am sorry for the way things have temporarily ended. For the longest time you never made me happy, but then there was hope. I would often look past your views and stupid ways and see some of the same things my mother loved about you. You have done some good things for me, but those don't out way the damage you've caused. Please no that I love you and we will speak again someday, but right now my most basic and simplistic morals tell me I can't.

I am also sorry to my friend. You are one of few and I pushed it to far. I was only trying to help as I always am, but I got to close. I'm sorry I got to close, it's a bad habit of mine. I know you love me but please know that your words stung. It's going to be hard to get the distance you need because of our lives being so intertwined, but I will make my best effort to stay away. This task will be even more difficult because your the only one I have here. Your one of my only reasons for staying where I am. Everyone else has betrayed me or just fallen by the to the side and you technically have not :). I'm going to find my own way on things which might mean I might not be around here as much, because there is really no one left for me here. I love you and I'm sorry.

Now I feel I've gotten out what I need to say and expressed all the apologies necessary. I'm going to try and not feel sorry anymore today. Peace.