Thursday, September 22, 2011

Yet again, technology gets the best of people.

So for me technology has gotten me in the form of me not using it like I should, and in this case, me not having made a new blog post in a while. I do apologize, but we all know how my life gets. Technology, as useful as it is, really does take time and effort and it sometimes doesn't always fit in my life so well.

For other people however, technology is getting the best of them in the form of my very basic intro to web programming class. To people who just do not understand computers, it is obviously difficult to learn all this new programming like html and css and java. But for someone like me who is almost as new to this as everyone else, I sit in class rather bored. The concepts are so basic and simple to me, and even though I don't have much experience with it, my mind just comprehends it well. Given, we are only at a very basic level right now, and as it gets harder I might start getting as confused as everyone else who knows. And I will admit I learn a small thing or two every class period, but that 1 minute of knowledge does not justify the 1 1/2 hours I sit there for the rest of the time. So for right now I sit in the library, trying to do some other homework because I already finished my assignment for that class in less than 20 minutes, and its not even due until next Tuesday (its Thursday by the way). But I am also here waiting for random people to show up, who have all asked me for help because they just don't get it. I am happy to do so, just as long as they don't think I know anymore than they do cause really I don't.

All is well for now I guess, and all I can say is that I am glad this class turned out to be an easy one, because I really am overloaded in my other ones. Here is a link to my developing website, if you would like to see: Click Me Peace.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

An apology thats not an apology that is an apology

I'm sorry world, but I cannot constantly be sorry. I can't continuously be apologetic for things that aren't my fault. I'm sick of feeling guilty and I am sick of having my mind in dissonance (the benefits of a psychology vocabulary!). I make decisions for me and only me and I am not influenced by anyone else and their biased opinions. If you don't like those decisions that's your problem, not mine. I try not to take sides. I try to be a good friend, although I suck at it. I have also stopped trying to please others at the expense of my self happiness, although I'm still working on this one. I know this sometimes makes others unhappy but again not my problem. I know I sound like a botch but here's something that might make up for that. When it comes to the happiness and safety of a child who is in important in my life, that is the only exception. Again I won't go so far as to sacrifice myself, but my decisions may change to better benefit someone else and not just me alone. The life of a child matters so much more to me than many other things in life.

Today, I am mostly sorry to my father. I am sorry for the way things have temporarily ended. For the longest time you never made me happy, but then there was hope. I would often look past your views and stupid ways and see some of the same things my mother loved about you. You have done some good things for me, but those don't out way the damage you've caused. Please no that I love you and we will speak again someday, but right now my most basic and simplistic morals tell me I can't.

I am also sorry to my friend. You are one of few and I pushed it to far. I was only trying to help as I always am, but I got to close. I'm sorry I got to close, it's a bad habit of mine. I know you love me but please know that your words stung. It's going to be hard to get the distance you need because of our lives being so intertwined, but I will make my best effort to stay away. This task will be even more difficult because your the only one I have here. Your one of my only reasons for staying where I am. Everyone else has betrayed me or just fallen by the to the side and you technically have not :). I'm going to find my own way on things which might mean I might not be around here as much, because there is really no one left for me here. I love you and I'm sorry.

Now I feel I've gotten out what I need to say and expressed all the apologies necessary. I'm going to try and not feel sorry anymore today. Peace.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

When you don't know what to do...

Do nothing. Except that's not working out to well for me. I honestly think that my life is a mess half the time and as soon as something goes well something else has to complicate it again. I feeling very lost and confused right now. I keep thinking about this one person and I don't even know what to do. Do I listen to my head or listen to my heart? I feel like I know the logical answer to this but it doesn't feel like the right one. I'm a big believer in fate and if this person is in my life right now there's a reason for it, and until they decide to take themselves out of my life I know they need to be there. If anyone reads this hos good at givng advice please let me know. I am lost in a big giant world but feel completely stuck in a small one. Peace.